“This guy was making me tired. “Thanks for the afternoon’s entertainment,” I said. “I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
“Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Shit,' Vina scoffed. 'That boy is every woman's type. I could rent him out to the Mormons so they don't have to… — Aimee Love Copy Share Image
“I'm sorry," he muttered. "If I... uh, hurt your feelings or something." She glared at him. "I'm not hurt. I'm pissed off… — J. R. Ward Copy Share Image
Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could… — Catherine Tate Copy Share Image
“Fine. You stay here. I shall return when I’ve found food. But when you all faint from hunger later don’t think you… — C.J. Daugherty Copy Share Image
I'm pretty irreverent. There is a lot of need to find humour in life. Although I'd never be as disrespectful to laugh… — Michael Bolton Copy Share Image
“Now, whatever you do, don't say anything, because no one must know that Liberace is gay." "Excuse me?" I said. "I'm eight.… — Alison Arngrim Copy Share Image
“We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only… — Caitlin Moran Copy Share Image
“I also felt that Ron and Hermione would have gotten divorced. I'm sorry, I just do. The end of Harry Potter did… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
“It is Sunday afternoon, preferably before the war. The wife is already asleep in the armchair, and the children have been sent… — George Orwell Copy Share Image
“Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker?… — Stewart Lee Copy Share Image
“Hap, even tough I'm a racist castrating bitch that wants you to be better than you are, wants you to do something… — Joe R. Lansdale Copy Share Image
Dad made me laugh a lot. He was a real comedian. He had a real sarcastic sense of humour, he could really… — Julian Lennon Copy Share Image
This man, lady, hath robb'd many beasts of their particular additions: he is as valiant as a lion, churlish as the bear,… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“Outside the door, a teller with a blue rosette chomps on an apple and asks for my number. She smiles a thank… — Maddie Grigg Copy Share Image
“He quite liked dentists’ waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick… — Jackson Radcliffe Copy Share Image
Ive been fighting to be who I am all my life. Whats the point of being who I am, if I cant… — SD Lennox Copy Share Image
“Genua had once controlled the river mouth and taxed its traffic in a way that couldn't be called piracy because it was… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Manners are for those who have neither beauty or talent but want people to like them despite their lack of attractions” — Brigid Brophy Copy Share Image
“I can tell I'm being annoying, the kind of annoying where it feels like I haven't showered for days and everyone should… — J.C. Lillis Copy Share Image
“A humour of reading books, except those of devotion or housewifery, is apt to turn a woman's brain... All affectation of knowledge… — Jonathan Swift Copy Share Image
My wife is way funnier than I am. As much as I don't really feel I share a sense of humour with… — Steve Carell Copy Share Image
Humour is like violence. They both come to you unexpectedly, and the more unpredictable they both are, the better it gets. — Takeshi Kitano Copy Share Image
“I flow like a butter in the nailed pan I stole. I also kept the nail, to polish and use as a… — Will Advise Copy Share Image
“Here's a health to our Captain, so gallant and free Whether stuck on a rock or asleep 'neath a tree Or rolled… — Margaret Atwood Copy Share Image
We had to do the same thing here. To top that sequel was quite a task. Mike had a couple of good… — Jay Roach Copy Share Image
“Holy shit," somebody muttered in the dark. "A virgin," sputtered another. "I didn't know they still made them." "He just did.” — Larry Kramer Copy Share Image
“An Army is an instrument of government. It must be used in such a way that it furthers the interests of government.… — Joe Abercrombie Copy Share Image
“Er…what's that glass for, sir?' ‘It’s a monocle,’ said the captain. ‘It helps me see you, for which I am eternally grateful.… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch… — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
So many more people recognise you and want to take up a moment of your time for a photo or a hello.… — Matt Smith Copy Share Image
The interesting thing is that you don't often meet a poet who doesn't have a sense of humour, and some of them… — Wendy Cope Copy Share Image
“Babcock silenced himself when he caught a gratifying sight on the broker’s shelf—his finance book, Moving Ones and Zeros Around like a… — Jasun Ether Copy Share Image
I think that gay people in some ways end up forming a very different sense of humour to straight people. We all… — Jason Sellards Copy Share Image
“As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Two whores who finally found something to mother. A guy could write a book about it, he thought bitterly, call it From… — James Jones Copy Share Image
“Caw! Caw, Hartley, caw!" Chase narrowed his eyes again. "Sam?" I nodded. Then crossed to the window again and called down to… — Gemma Halliday Copy Share Image
What's evil like? Is it tingly? Are my eyebrows gonna go all pointy and I'm gonna get some evil laugh that turns… — Po - The Dragon Warrior Copy Share Image
