“Pissing out the window, and sh*tting out the window, are two different things!” — Tourettes Guy Copy Share Image
I consider myself a bit of a comedian. I write a lot of humorous songs. — Brad Paisley Copy Share Image
“I can't get her pregnant! I'm just thirteen. You have to be a man to get a girl pregnant.” — Scylar Tyberius Copy Share Image
John Connally's conversion to the GOP raised the intellectual level of both parties. — Frank Mankiewicz Copy Share Image
“Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.” — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
I'd rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort. — J. Paul Getty Copy Share Image
If I could out run the Angel of Death I'd probably die from lack of breath! — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself. — William S. Paley Copy Share Image
“Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination. — Andrew Lang Copy Share Image
“Here's my using dickwad in a sentence. Greg is such a dickwad, he locks his car in the Pagoda Pizza parking lot.… — A.S. King Copy Share Image
“He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasn't sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth? What else does… — Dianna Hardy Copy Share Image
To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone may apply, but only the certifiably insane are… — Michael Shurtleff Copy Share Image
Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Hand-to-hand combat with three hundred pounds of screaming monkey menace is not my idea of a fair fight. My idea of a… — Dean Koontz Copy Share Image
“Renee: “The Greek government doesn’t know that I found anything that day in the temple. And they for sure wouldn’t want to… — John C. Stipa Copy Share Image
I drew pictures for and about the soldiers because I knew what their life was like and understood their gripes. I wanted… — Bill Mauldin Copy Share Image
“Every week seems to bring another luxuriantly creamy envelope, the thickness of a letter-bomb, containing a complex invitation – a triumph of… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
“Sherlock: They came out of EROC with $33 million dollars in small bills. They loaded their haul into an ambulance, American-made, in… — Elementary Copy Share Image
“She was a most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from story to story was a mystery beyond… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan,… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“The eccentric passion of Shankly was underlined for me by my England team-mate Roger Hunt's version of the classic tale of the… — Bobby Charlton Copy Share Image
