Humor Quotes · Page 87

I'd rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.

— Anonymous

“It’s been said by many people that I look like I know what I’m doing.”

— T.J. Klune

You're only as old as your last Botox treatment.

— MJ McGuire

I have an Italian comedy at the Venice Film Festival.

— Robert Englund

“You cannot make things foolproof because fools are so ingenious”

— Anonymous

Humor hardens the heart, at least to the point of sanity.

— Agnes Repplier

“We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If it looks too good to be true its usually me!

— Rock Cowles

“If you own a bar on your own, you're a player; if you own it with your beloved twin sister, you're–" "Irish.”

— Gillian Flynn

If some beggar steals a bridle he'll be hung by a man who's stolen a horse.

— Peire Cardenal

“You are a total bitch with no humor. Please go get treatment and ENJOY my latest novel!!!! You old crow!" [Response to…

— Susan Reinhardt

I've come to realize that life is not a musical comedy, it's a Greek tragedy.

— Billy Joel

“Looking cool on Facebook isn't worth the cost of looking a cock in real life.”

— Mark Walters

Usually, if I think something is really funny, it doesn't get any reaction whatsoever.

— David Sedaris

I was sort of the class-clown type, and I was also in school plays, and I always liked comedy.

— Rachel Dratch

Sometimes I had difficulty remembering that 'all you can eat' is not a personal challenge.

— Marika Christian

I'd say any good set or any comedy that I've worked on, that's worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth…

— Amy Poehler

“Uh, got into a fight with the kitchen or something?” he asked, smirking. I ran my hands through my hair and felt…

— Christie Cote

“Cam starts laughing, "Oh, I love it when she reads." He turns to Lucy who's face is starting to contort and turn…

— Jay McLean

“Five sisters. That must have been hell." "Only when they forced me to dress up like a girl and play Amy whenever…

— Amy McAuley

I would love to do a dramatic comedy. All of that, it all interests me. At some point I want to do…

— Eliza Coupe

“...killing Dirk, killing anybody, was not going to change anything apart from Francisco's f***ing ego, which was already large enough to house…

— Hugh Laurie

I want to keep doing interesting work with interesting people in whatever form that may take, but I want to play the…

— Gwilym Lee

“I decided that a movie marathon was clearly in order. I tried to narrow down the options. Anything romantic was definitely out,…

— M.A. George

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

— Steve Martin

Kevin Hart comedy shows is better then Mike Epps

— Kevin Hart

No matter how many search engines there are, we will always use Google.

— Anonymous

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

— Jackie Gleason

“Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.”

— The Kinks

Friends: Can I come over? Real Friends: I'm coming over.

— Anonymous

“Make your life the greatest story ever told!”

— Marie Guillaume

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.

— RuPaul

“Like their ancestors, Louise and her parents klutzed away their days.”

— Henrik Drescher

This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.

— George Lopez

You're entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy.

— Anonymous

Every few months I'll pop into a comedy club or go to Vegas.

— Kevin James

If comedy duos don't like each other, it just won't work.

— Scott Thompson

“God, I love a man with a big vocabulary.”

— Tiffany Reisz

But I've never looked at myself as being particularly funny

— Tea Leoni

Comedy becomes intensified in short scenes.

— Paul Lieberstein