“I slipped on a turtleneck, laughing when my head became stuck in the turtle part. If they weren't called turtlenecks, I wouldn't… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
“I can assure you that your underwear is safe around me. I prefer having the little fruit on the underwear I’m wearing… — Lindsey Brookes Copy Share Image
When I started out, it was around the whole 9/11 - Islamophobia was just sort of hitting a second wind. Obviously that… — Riaad Moosa Copy Share Image
“How did you kill the Ashman in the forest last year?” “I shot him with an arrow.” “What kind of arrow?” “A… — Chelsea Fine Copy Share Image
People laugh at me. Sometimes I know why, and sometimes I don't. But I can pretty much find humor in anything. That… — Jennifer Aniston Copy Share Image
As far as outlining is concerned, I don't outline humor. I might right down a word or two to remind myself of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Not the Nine O'Clock News' was the first comedy show I truly responded to when I was a teenager. I watched it… — Omid Djalili Copy Share Image
You're going to pee in someone's suitcase?" "Do you have any other ideas?" And suddenly Miracolina begins to snicker, then giggle, then… — Neal Shusterman Copy Share Image
10 years ago, I would've host Saturday Night Live. But to me, the show has declined. For some reason, humor isn't what… — Dick Van Dyke Copy Share Image
“You have some lovely books," she said. "I like the one with the pictures of polar bears." "The books with words too… — Barbara Elsborg Copy Share Image
So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal'… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Religion: A friend of a friend's brother's ex-girlfriend's dad's former classmate's boss's mother-in-law's co-worker's milkman's pen pal's, medicine man's babysitter's dog said...… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
“I groaned my good humor beginning to fade. Nothing good could come from such a wager. If I lost I’d have to… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I think that you can fall into bad habits with comedy... It's a tightrope to stay true to the character, true to… — Ben Kingsley Copy Share Image
It requires a lot of courage for someone to cast me in something else. I am just hoping that someone sees something… — Chunky Pandey Copy Share Image
I always did music, but music is an easier thing for me. Making videos and doing comedy things was more of a… — Reggie Watts Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Whenever you think the Tea Party can't get any dumber, they get dumber. Now they're in love with Donald Trump.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“She paused in the doorway, tipping her head to consider Brittany, who only glared. "You're right. I think most girls don't look… — Wendy Knight Copy Share Image
“Well, Ms. Fontaine, you look damn good for a dead woman." Her response was to narrow her eyes, arch a brow. "If… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
Let's face it: families behind closed doors are the funniest thing ever - the way people talk to each other, the way… — Wendi McLendon-Covey Copy Share Image
“Love is just the chocolate-coated realization you're going to spend the rest of your life with a person and unfortunately it melts… — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
For me, I believe comedy's about taking risks, taking chances, working in a safe environment where you're comfortable making a fool of… — Michael Spiller Copy Share Image
“And the state of his bathroom -- I'm not one to gossip, but there are things crusted on his sink that have… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
“How the hell do I know what pisses a woman off?...Nobody knows because it can be any damn thing. It's an unsolved… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
“If opportunity knocks, let it in. But with the way things are nowadays-I'd rather meet opportunity somewhere that's more public. I could… — James Lee Schmidt Copy Share Image
Trying to be funny is one of the hardest things on the planet. I think that's tough for everyone. If you're just… — Doc Brown Copy Share Image
I've had tragedy in my life, and it doesn't stop comedy, so I think it's important to do both. Particularly in a… — Patty Jenkins Copy Share Image
“That's my point: if you own thirty or more books, or you are reading any book at this moment, you may protest… — Thomas Geoghegan Copy Share Image
Yeah, it constantly feels like you're constantly checking if you're funny enough, because I think this country's naturally funny. I think the… — Lucy Beaumont Copy Share Image
You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools… — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
“More pre-Christmas revelers on the Friday-night Tube: girls in ludicrously tiny glittering dresses risking hypothermia for a fumble with the boy from… — Robert Galbraith Copy Share Image
Succession,' in my mind, is the first successful British comedy in America, and the way that you get Americans to like British… — Cord Jefferson Copy Share Image
You know, the comedy industry in the U.K. is quite a small place, and lines such as 'sketch is dead' get thrown… — Jamie Demetriou Copy Share Image
I know there are fewer women comics, and I think there'll continue to be an inherent sexism in many industries, comedy being… — Miranda Hart Copy Share Image
I did theater before I got into TV and everything I did was serious, so it was definitely fun for me to… — Amanda Bynes Copy Share Image
If I can, by a lucky chance, in these uneasy days, rub out one wrinkle from the brow of care, or beguile… — Washington Irving Copy Share Image
I like working. I wish I could say I made a deliberate choice to comedy, but it's just what came my way.… — John C. Reilly Copy Share Image
Greg Gutfeld is funnier than all the smart people I know, and smarter than all the funny people I know. I don't… — Matt Labash Copy Share Image
