“I've been watching you ever since you came into town, and you never gave a single sign that you were interested in… — Dan Wells Copy Share Image
“You don't appreciate a faithful husband when you've got one,' said Tommy. 'All my friends tell me you never know with husbands,'… — Agatha Christie Copy Share Image
“Number eight of the ten Amazon commandments: never fight an opponent face-to-face if you couldn’t defeat him. Wait and stab him in… — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
Human life is a combination of tragedy and comedy. The shapes and designs that surround us are the music accompanying this tragedy… — Alvar Aalto Copy Share Image
“Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." [ Shrub Flubs… — Molly Ivins Copy Share Image
“The introduction was meant to be all important and elegant and meaningful and “This summer marks the voyage of discovery of Livia… — Kate le Vann Copy Share Image
“So who told you that you had a chip on your shoulder?" "Never mind." I shoved a piece of lasagna int my… — Janette Rallison Copy Share Image
“How to Be a Man Step One: Eat a steak, preferably raw. If you can find a juicy steer and just maw… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Broadway's never my end goal because of the plays I write. These are tough plays. Of course there's a lot of humor,… — Lynn Nottage Copy Share Image
Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“Looking back on it, could there possible have been a more confusing acronym for trying to keep kids from experimenting with drugs… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“On a beau tenter de se convaincre qu'une voiture ne peut pas causer de dommages a un mort et qu'il est plus… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I… — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
“I've received two key pieces of advice in regard to my books. The first is, "You should lay off the f-bombs." The… — LINCOLN PARK Copy Share Image
I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was… — Jack Whitehall Copy Share Image
“Then you remember the dream,” Mencheres stated. “That bodes ill.” The fear of that made my reply snappy. “Hey, Walks Like An… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
“I read you guys your bedtime story, go to bed!" my sister shouted as she put water into the kettle. "But Mom,"… — Ottilie Weber Copy Share Image
“I knew that Sundays in England aren't just ordinary dull Sundays, the same the world over, which demand that one simply tiptoe… — Javier Marias Copy Share Image
“Applying nail polish is an art. You need non-shaky hands. And a calm and Zen-like nature. I am not calm and have… — Kiran Manral Copy Share Image
“So, what are you doing with my little sister today?” Daniel asked. I closed my eyes in defeat. “I’m afraid I can’t… — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“That's when it hit me. I had to go through a lot of bad relationships first, but I'd finally found him. My… — Cindi Madsen Copy Share Image
From Lucifer to Jerry Sneak there is not an aspect of evil, imperfection, and littleness which can elude the lights of humor… — Edwin Percy Whipple Copy Share Image
“Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature? I don't think I shall bother,… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“My father did not bring it up, but of course I knew that he had another reason to worry about my decision… — Eudora Welty Copy Share Image
“I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small… — Tim Kreider Copy Share Image
“I'm from southern Arelon, Princess," Ahan said, reaching for some more clams. "To us, round is beautiful. Not everyone wants their women… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
“But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Being onstage is like being rock star. Whereas if you're doing a movie, it's such a confined space. You know, you do… — Matthew Lillard Copy Share Image
I think comedy is no different now than it was at other points. It takes a long time to get good and… — Ted Alexandro Copy Share Image
I think comedy is an angry art form; it's an outsider art form. Anger and comedy are really connected. If I'm angry… — Margaret Cho Copy Share Image
“Do you know that i paid two dollars for [Doxocology] thirty-three years ago? Everything was wrong with him, hoofs like flapjacks, a… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. In this dream we were walking down the beautiful Japanese streets of Florida. Fukuoka… — Rodney Jenkins Copy Share Image
“The first I knew about it was when a workman arrived at my home yesterday. I asked him if he'd come to… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“Only someone you know is going to assume you know them by saying 'it's me.' It's strangers who use names, since they… — Tara K. Harper Copy Share Image
“You've heard about the knitter's handshake? Two hands go in for the grab-and-shake, but at the last minute, they veer to the… — Clara Parkes Copy Share Image
If you're into comedy, you will know what the show is about. We have so many comedy geeks, comedy enthusiasts, fanatical people… — Rhys Darby Copy Share Image
I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
![“Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." [ Shrub Flubs His Dub , The Nation, June 18, 2001]” quote by Molly Ivins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d66/molly-ivins-1296_elections_next-time-i-tell-you-someone-from-texas_2336705.png)
![“Do you know that i paid two dollars for [Doxocology] thirty-three years ago? Everything was wrong with him, hoofs like flapjacks, a hock so thick and short and straight there seems no joint at all. he's hammerheaded and swaybacked. He has a pinched chest and a big behind. He has an iron mouth and…” quote by John Steinbeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/618/john-steinbeck-71_good-thing_do-you-know-that-i-paid-two-dollars-for_207721.jpg)
