Before I started doing stand-up, I never envisioned doing it. I strictly saw myself doing improv and sketch comedy, and then, when… — Quinta Brunson Copy Share Image
“What should I say? ‘Well, the murder was a little upsetting, and the fire did worry me a bit. I was nearly… — C.J. Daugherty Copy Share Image
“See, what you're talking about is why hanging out with ME would be fun for YOU. It doesn't explain anything about why… — Tucker Max Copy Share Image
“The moment vanity officially leaves your life is when you look down to discover an asslike configuration living where your front pockets… — Rachel Dratch Copy Share Image
Family is funny, and so it was not an unnatural thing for me, growing up, not to know anything about my dad… — Courtney B. Vance Copy Share Image
“What if I can't? Forgive her, I mean." "Then you don't. Not everyone gets along, Kennie." "But I don't want to live… — Toni Aleo Copy Share Image
“Lead the way. Just remember that I'm not a very good climber." "Not very good?" Beetledown laughed. "Like a dog with one… — Tad Williams Copy Share Image
I played an artist in a comedy called 'Rooster.' It was a zany film by Glen Larson, a friend who produced several… — LeRoy Neiman Copy Share Image
“In second grade my second love wrote "I love you" on a scrap of paper and dropped it on my desk as… — Jane Russell Copy Share Image
“I meant the house behind him clutching his chest, Parker gasped. Gage! you pervert! That's Mrs. Falconi-she's ninety-six years old! Clearing her… — Richie Tankersley Cusick Copy Share Image
I have an affinity for comedy because I like to watch them. It's an honor to make comedies because I love being… — John Cho Copy Share Image
“Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the… — Russell Beland Copy Share Image
I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The worst question people can ask me is, 'How would I describe my brand of comedy?' I just go, 'Funny.' I like… — Michelle Buteau Copy Share Image
“give me your cell phone" "What for?" "So i could admire the fine technology a human woman can afford to buy." He… — Jennifer Ashley Copy Share Image
NOSE, n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“I laughed too, but not at the hateful jokes made on my people.I laughed because, except that she was white, the big… — Maya Angelou Copy Share Image
“Dragons are among the most ancient spirits. Their origins are not known, but they significantly predate the rise of man. [This author… — Amy Rae Durreson Copy Share Image
“I'd saw there were millions like me, but there aren't, really: lots of blokes have impeccable music taste but don't read, lots… — Nick Hornby Copy Share Image
“I don’t think I want to visit your house anymore.” “Sometimes neither do I.” “And your grandfather….” “Leave my Papaw alone.” “He’s… — Nick Wilgus Copy Share Image
“Hey, Captain Neckbeard! Less talky-talky, more worky-worky!” Wednesday shouted rudely down at the man who had been changing the tire. She wasn’t… — Dennis Sharpe Copy Share Image
“The crucified figure had not been idle. A series of elaborate twists activated a cunning mechanism; the base of the cross blew… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“I huffed out a deep breath. “It’s something huge, isn’t it?” Beezle nodded. “Yup.” There was a sound of several limbs splashing… — Christina Henry Copy Share Image
“At the pet store he picked out two painted turtles, each about as big around as a mayonnaise-jar lid. He bought them… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Visit any comedy club, or watch Bridesmaids, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy or Louis CK’s routines on YouTube,… — Martin Lindstrom Copy Share Image
“Of course, you’ll have to fly to the refugee camp at Dadaab,” Will observed thoughtfully at one point. He glanced at me.… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
“The gods have a great sense of humor, don't they? If you lack the iron and the fizz to take control of… — Tom Robbins "Jitterbug Perfume Copy Share Image
“When I was young and full of grace And spirited - a rattlesnake When I was young and fever fell My spirit,… — Michael Stipe Copy Share Image
I guess, for me, I've always thought that there was humor everywhere. And as a kid, I just, you know, I grew… — Justin Timberlake Copy Share Image
“All the kids from daycare are in dreamland. The froggie has made his last leap. Hell no you can't go to the… — Adam Mansbach Copy Share Image
I don't think any comedy is ever shocking. I don't buy that. That's just what people brand it, when someone is saying… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
“But this bus was a bit too full. The driver only appeared to control the glass and metal around him. In reality,… — Graham Spaid Copy Share Image
Good science is done by being curious in general, by asking questions all around, by acknowledging the likelihood of being wrong and… — Lewis Thomas Copy Share Image
“I rolled my eyes, finishing off the burger. Rummaging around in the bag, I pulled out an extra-large order of fries. With… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, women - we're all trying to find our place in this world of cinema and television and theater. And… — Sandra Bullock Copy Share Image
There's no point fast-tracking performers on to TV before they're ready. In comedy especially, you need experience to be able to react… — Chris McCausland Copy Share Image
“It must have been perfectly dreadful to see a woman every day for five years, and not give her a pie, when… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“I don’t like this,” his brother told him as they walked down the stairs. “You don’t like anything. I’ve heard you complain… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
The human comedy does not attract me enough. I am not entirely of this world. I am from elsewhere, and it is… — Eugene Ionesco Copy Share Image
