The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“When words come out of your mouth, do your ears just block all incoming sound waves?” — Amethyst Marie Copy Share Image
“Why do you tell me you love me only when you're drunk or dreaming? she asked. I have awful timing, said Simon” — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“I call the Change of Life "Orchids" because menopause is such an ugly word. It's got men in it for goddsakes.” — Lisa Jey Davis Copy Share Image
“He cracked his crooked smile that made all women swoon except the ones who wanted to slap him. Faye was a fence-sitter… — Sarah Scheele Copy Share Image
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“Dance in the rain, follow the path of lovely lanes, you are what you always wanted to be, so chill out, dear… — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
I was a heathen Jewess with no bat mitzvah. Only the neurosis, the brown hair, and the self-deprecating humor. But being one… — Susanna Fogel Copy Share Image
“A high-level government agent was arrested today for selling secrets to Russia. They now have all of the exact locations of our… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
“Half the time I have no idea what I'm doing. The other half, I'm trying to undo what I did when I… — Suki Michelle Copy Share Image
My very first job was something called 'Nobody's Watching,' that Bill Lawrence who created 'Scrubs,' it was his pilot. It was my… — Mircea Monroe Copy Share Image
“Can I have a glass of water?" Her voice was hoarse, probably from screaming. She'd always sounded like that after they'd- He… — Jennifer Armintrout Copy Share Image
My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Because I'm around comedians all the time, in my downtime I tend not to watch comedy. Something the whole family enjoys is… — Nina Conti Copy Share Image
“I nodded, disappointed, but then I got an idea. "Hey, Grover. You want a magic item?" His eyes lit up. "Me?" Pretty… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
There were too many idiot men in the world, to her way of thinking. And most of them ended up bumping up… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“In a world of full of manipulation, half-truths and lies, the conspiracy theory is often a safer bet than the official story.” — Gary Hopkins Copy Share Image
“Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior."- Hun, A. T.” — Robert Lynn Asprin Copy Share Image
Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it. — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
I love playing people who don't have a sense of humor for instance, there's nothing funnier to me than a person with… — Rita Moreno Copy Share Image
“If the sky falls, we shall catch larks./Když nebe padá , zjímáme skřivani.” — Czech proverb Copy Share Image
“I had this dream about you. We went hunting up in the mountains and I caught a unicorn. You told me now… — Crystal Hudson Copy Share Image
In life, comedy occurs naturally, as it should, in the most appalling of circumstances. — Peter Baynham Copy Share Image
“You told you were a hero! That you were discharged, ‘Above Honorable’! Turns out you were simply defeated by a mutant penis… — Dexter Herron Copy Share Image
I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“trying to restore some kind of natural balance of humors in the world.” — Kate Atkinson Copy Share Image
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
“I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand. - Simon Hunt” — dannika dark Copy Share Image
I was crazy about silent comedy - in the old days, and crazy about Japanese movies. — Keith Johnstone Copy Share Image
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy. To be alive means to have a sense of humor. — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have… — Nikki Glaser Copy Share Image
Ann and I will carry out this equivocal message to the world: Markets must be open. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
I have no real enemies in comedy, but there are a couple of people who I'd laugh about if I heard that… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“Her bouts of bitchiness were really starting to grow on him, which just proved how in over his head he was.” — Katee Robert Copy Share Image
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
