Humor Quotes · Page 546

As far as humor goes, I've always been a very insecure person and I've always wanted to be liked.

— Peter Steele

“There are few things in life that are worth waking up to: sex, the dark spices of freshly brewed coffee and bacon.”

— Dannika Dark

Laughter is the best medicine...next to Oxycontin...and of course medicinal marijuana.

— Anonymous

“I think Newtons third law failed in the case 'girls reply to boys action'..”

— Kuppuraj

“I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze." ( Letter to Cynthia Asquith , November 1913)”

— D.H. Lawrence

“Your own shortcomings are the best ground to grow your sense of humor.”

— Stu Konigsberg

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

— Zach Galifianakis

“If you learn to laugh at yourself, you'll be entertained for a lifetime.”

— Lee McLaughlin

People say the comedy is so shocking, but if you read newspapers or look around generally - I mean, obviously I'm not…

— Julia Davis

I've never used my weight to get a laugh. That is, used my size as the subject for humor. You never saw…

— Anonymous

“Baking was a science, precise, just mix it all together and let the oven do the work. But actually cooking, she couldn’t…

— Allie Burke

I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do…

— Jeff Garlin

“Hap sighed. If he could change one thing about Umber-besides his constant need for the thrill of exploration-it would be his obsession…

— P.W. Catanese

“He, Jeff, and Troy Lee carried Super Soakers loaded with Grandma Lee's Vampire Cat Remedy, other Animals had garden sprayers slung on…

— Christopher Moore

“I need him to step back. His cologne was practically hijacking my ovulation cycle and I had to fight the urge to…

— RS Grey

When I was younger, I was nervous and didn't have a huge amount of confidence as an actor. Comedy is something -…

— Lucy Punch

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?

— Steven Wright

A newspaper is ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?

— Anonymous

“You haven't told her?" Cass shouted. "You're the worst boyfriend ever!”

— Jayde Scott

“I closed my eyes and resigned myself to the fact that my boyfriend was a pervert. He was lucky he was so…

— J.M. Colail

I love comedy, and I always wanted to go that way, but I felt so passionate about drama.

— Annabelle Wallis

“The only working model of socialism I have ever seen is in an elementary school classroom.”

— R.M. ArceJaeger

When I was in film school, it was said that all good films were characterised by some form of humour.

— Lars von Trier

You don't expect to be touched by comedy. But when it happens, it's beautiful.

— Jermaine Fowler

Friends don't let friends be Packers Fans... EVER! (I don't care how much paint your mother huffed during her pregnancy!)

— Rock Cowles

“It's common knowledge that shiny rocks are preferred among human females.”

— Melissa Landers

If you have no tragedy, you have no comedy. Crying and laughing are the same emotion. If you laugh too hard, you…

— Sid Caesar

I love making comedy. I never stopped loving it. I will continue to love it and I can't believe that I get…

— Mike Myers

The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.

— Jerry Seinfeld

My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny.

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

I've learned to have a sense of humor about myself. Lord knows everyone else does!

— Debbie Gibson

I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.

— Ben Stiller

I think in order to understand what works dramatically, you have to have a sense of humor.

— Ayo Edebiri

I'm a comic and I'm having way too much fun with the comedy. I do the music for myself.

— Eddie Griffin

I was called for 'The Great Indian Laughter Challenge,' but I turned it down because I wasn't sure of its quality.

— Johnny Lever

“Colby better not bring me home Bambi, or I just might want to divorce him”

— Jody Morse

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or…

— Sarah Silverman

“I had a dream about you last night.. You pretended not to be a three hole punch.”

— Amy Summers

“His conscience smote him. As smitings go, it wasn't much, his conscience being in poor fighting condition.”

— Loretta Chase

For me, 'Jewishness' manifests within my humor, slang, cynicism, culinary tastes, and the spirit of generosity ingrained in me.

— Zoe Buckman