Humor Quotes · Page 529

“But of course, all of this is just a silly fad, and when you add an "e" to fad, you get fade.…

— Andrew Clements

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little…

— Erma Bombeck

“Randy held out the koosh. “What is it?” “I have no idea,” Donna said. “Your asshole scrubber?”

— Chris Genoa

I have little comedy notebooks, and I also have notes in my phone, and I'll write on my laptop for longer stories.

— Michelle Buteau

Satire and comedy are really the only film mediums where you can get into ideas and have people leave the theater without…

— Justin Simien

And it really pisses Peter and Micky off when I get onto one of those tangents where I start to do humor.

— Davy Jones

For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern.

— Leigh Hunt

“An obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face.”

— Andrew Hussie

“It's a time-honored truism of diplomacy that the most resented epithet is the one most accurately depicting the deficiencies of the recipient.”

— keith laumer

Jon Stewart is a remarkable satirist and parodist in the vein of Mark Twain, because Jon Stewart understands what Mark Twain knew,…

— Bill Moyers

The Sopranos' is filled with really retrograde humor. Bathroom humor, falls, stupid puns, bad jokes - infantile, adolescent stuff, but it makes…

— David Chase

I remember seeing McCoy Tyner in concert, and thinking that the music was incredible, but wanting to be invited in. I figured…

— John Lurie

“Fate had a cruel sense of humor. It had been all his fault, anyway, whatever Mick or Gillia told him. Careless preoccupation…

— V.S. Carnes

“We get a lot of calls where the person is murdered at home, but is not found for a period of time.…

— Connie Fletcher

There's a certain type of character that you can't help but come in contact with growing up and living in Brooklyn and…

— Steve Buscemi

“Doi indragostiti se sarutau sub un portal. - Nu vreau sa-i vad... Nu, nu vreau sa-i vad... Ma calca pe nervi... Colin…

— Vian, Boris

“Do you ever lay off the crap or is it all bullshit, all the time with you?”

— Denise Grover Swank

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my…

— Anonymous

“It's better to have loved and lost than to be nagged about buying a damn anniversary gift every year.”

— Joey Green

I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".

— Steven Wright

People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.

— Gilbert Gottfried

“It is better to be hurt with the truth than to be encouraged with lies...”

— Adedayo kingjerry

“People who were raised on The Bible can never tell the difference between a warning and an advertisement.”

— George Hammond

I suggest taking the high road and have a little sence of humour and let things roll off your back. I think…

— Sally Ride

“I suppose this means you can swim after all. Or am I supposed to tow you?" "If you really try," said Loaf,…

— Orson Scott Card

“Ever feel like dialing 911 is just simply not enough, and you really need to speak to someone on the Supreme Court...?”

— Josh Stern

“I envisioned him tied in a chair, an iron arrow pointed at his brow. Ah, the power of positive thinking.”

— Red Tash

I let the phone ring instead of rejecting the call because I dont want the person to know I'm ignoring them.

— Anonymous

“Q: Best part about being a musical theatre book writer? A: Explaining what that is.”

— Christy Hall

As long as you can savor the humorous aspect of misery and misfortune, you can overcome anything.

— John Candy

Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.

— Anonymous

“Sex with the gorilla went on a bit, but once he'd stumbled over my clitoris we both had good times.”

— Sue Townsend

So in all humours sportively I range; My muse is rightly of the English strain, That cannot long one fashion entertain.

— Michael Drayton

“See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit?…

— Justin Halpern

America is deeply rooted in Negro culture: its colloquialisms; its humor; its music.

— Sonny Rollins

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my…

— Henny Youngman

My favorite saying is, 'If you want to make god laugh, tell him about your plans.'

— Kirron Kher

“When Morton Silkline reached the hall, his customer was just flapping out a small window. Quite suddenly, Morton Silkline found the floor.”

— Richard Matheson

I think comedy is so specific, so hard. I'd audition for comedies and think, 'I can't pull this off.'

— Melissa Fumero

“She just asked me to pick her up some tampons and a Yoo-Hoo." ~Alex Sinclair”

— Jenny B. Jones