Humor Quotes · Page 525

“I might be 30 years old, but a girl never outgrows the need for her mother.”

— Debbie Macomber

“Ever notice how those who start a conversation with the phrase, "Needless to say", always seem to have a lot to say?”

— Mark W Boyer

There doesn't seem to be a relationship between budget and comedy. In fact, it might be inverse.

— Kyle Gass

You have a certain quality that is nearly irresistible. I think it's called Spank Appeal.

— Rock Cowles

“You won't want to leave when you've tasted Mom's fried chicken," Matt said with a touching faith in the power of grease.”

— Jane Davitt

I love and enjoy vocal performance, but I also have a huge passion for comedy and improv.

— Colleen Ballinger

“A good test of the appropriateness of a joke is whether the humor controls us or we control it.”

— J Oswald Sanders

I enjoy doing both comedy and drama, as long as I'm not doing something continuously.

— Kirti Kulhari

“What the hell was your pal Bertin demanding?” he asked. “Sipping syrup?” “It’s a cocktail he prefers when he gets, ah, overly…

— Douglas Preston

To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Critics think we try to make bad films. They think we want to spend five months of our lives making something bad.…

— Chris Pine

It never really occurs to me that I'm doing cringe comedy. It's something that people tell me afterwards, and I say, 'Again?…

— Stephen Merchant

“[Phoebe Broome] 'Well,' she said at last. 'You've now met my father. At his worst.' [Lord Vladimir] 'Being myself widely considered my…

— Alison Sinclair

“Been around a lot of psychos in my lifetime and have come to the realization...that most of them work in Washington and that…

— Timothy Pina

“...My friend Bo had just finished skinny-dipping when one of those bastards came trotting out of the woods and bit his dick…

— Nick Wilgus

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way…

— Henny Youngman

When the Wise man points at the moon... the idiot looks at the finger...

— Avinash Wandre

“Fuck Mickey Mouse. Fuck Mickey Mouse in the ass with a big rubber dick.”

— Geroge Carlin

“Why do I seem to have this effect on women? They're around me and they cry.”

— Tracy Guzeman

“Was that tragedy? Or was that comedy? Was there really any difference?”

— Orson Scott Card

The world is full of idiots that is the best way to explain intelligence.

— Jeremy Limn

“The woman serving me was wearing a white sports bra that looked like it had been mauled by tigers--desert isle chic. ”

— Dave Eggers

“Nicky, the van’s on fire!’ ‘Fuck the van, Willy! We got ourselves a prodigy child!”

— Jonathan Dunne

“I hate it when chocolates quickly melt on my fingers. I mean am I THAT HOT?”

— Anonymous

“Some honest people think it is better to know the ways of the devil without being evil.”

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Laughing at your own texts before you send them because youre so damn funny

— Kanav Rajput

Holy Cow' is our effort in the right direction where with humour we make some pertinent points which we hope will get…

— Sanjay Mishra

Comedy should speak truth to power. It should always be aimed upward. When it's aimed downward, it's called bullying.

— Jimmy Dore

“Patience slows down time and more can happen when time is slowed down. That’s the secret of patience.”

— Art Hochberg

“I would love to slap you right now, but I’m currently wielding a nine pound ball and I’m afraid that would be…

— Sara Wolf

“Why don't you find out for yourself? Then you'll see the glass, hidden in the grass.”

— Morrissey

Comedy is still sexist. There is still this sense that women can't be trusted to be funny.

— Rebecca Front

“What you don't know may not hurt you, but what you don't remember always does.”

— Gerald M. Weinberg

“Who the hell is that?! Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.”

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

America is such a paradoxical society, hypocritically paradoxical, that if you don't have some humor, you'll crack up.

— Malcolm X

I am happy that I am getting acceptance beyond comedy and hope I keep getting a variety of roles.

— Sunil Grover

Sometimes, I use humor because I believe in revealing truth in a way that other forms cannot.

— Ted Lieu

“I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials”

— Ann Everett

“If I were being honest with myself, he lit a blaze, not just a blush, but that’s too much reality for me…

— S.L. Scott

To me comedy is like being a magician, once they know the rabbit is coming out of the hat they won't care.

— John Bishop