Humor Quotes · Page 491

“I’ll steal bodies, not to be Corporal Corpse, but to have access to a never-ending supply of laughter still left over in…

— Jarod Kintz

“What a slacker. Just because daddy paid for his college education, he thinks he can avoid dying for his country." -- Willie…

— Rich Allan

“If you want to be a radical theologian, you have to be able to say, “I have no idea what is going…

— Art Hochberg

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be…

— John Kenneth Galbraith

“Um. Ways in which a sentence beginning with the word "missiles" could be a good thing... Nope. I got nuthin'.”

— Dennis E. Taylor

I can't imagine a successful comedy movie without a successful comedy performance at the heart of it.

— Harold Ramis

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

— W. C. Fields

I have to stop saying How stupid can you be? I think people are taking it as a challenge.

— Anonymous

I always stay in the urban comedy genre because it just never gets old. It's one of those things that people watch,…

— Terry Crews

“I want to take ye to bed. In my bed. And I mean to spend the rest of the day thinking what…

— Diana Gabaldon

“Justin: "Say hi to Paul Thompson for me," he added. Madeline: "Garrlgh," I gagged. The corner of his lips curled up. Justin:…

— Katie Kacvinsky

“Criticize me all you wish,” he returned coolly, “but remember that you come to me because of the very actions you denounce.…

— Jennifer McKeithen

“The dance took place on a viewpoint level of Tower Four. Each hour, the whole floor would make a single revolution, so…

— Madeline Ashby

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might…

— Bill Cosby

[Agatha Christie] is fond of quoting the witty wife who once said, 'an archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have;…

— Nigel Dennis

“Sable sauntered in to the Burger Lord. It was exactly like every other Burger Lord in America. [But not like every other…

— Neil Gaiman

“It’s simply the most adorable thing ever: My mother has joined a gang.”

— Josh Lieb

How much better would the world be if a liars pants really did catch on fire.

— Anonymous

People in real life don't get ballplayers' humor, the way we talk in the clubhouse.

— Justin Verlander

“I found a gray hair on one of my testicles today. No, it wasn't mine, but it's frightening.”

— Dave Attell

“He had probably been thrown out of a wine shop, and it hadn't quite dawned on him yet.”

— Kafka, Franz

“I felt like I was well on my way to becoming the neighborhood cat lady. All I needed were the cats.”

— J. Lynn

I think if actors don't think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can't do comedy.

— Ben Barnes

I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.

— Mitch Hedberg

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

— Mitch Hedberg

There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.

— Rufus Wainwright

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

— Steven Wright

Comedy and drama are like two different sports; they both require athleticism but they're different.

— Jimmy O. Yang

There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead.

— George W. Bush

“There’s always less to do than you think. If there’s more to do than you think, then do that also.”

— Art Hochberg

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the…

— Arthur Smith

“Oh, gods. Not the flying!” “I heard you mounted my sister well enough.” “I want you never to make that statement again.”

— G.A. Aiken

I think New Yorkers - they're media savvy. People have a sense of humor.

— Billy Eichner

I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be.

— Elaine Stritch

Winter's notion of poetry is tragedy. It knows nothing of comedy. Its laughter was frozen on its lips long ago.

— William Alfred Quayle

You've always been a great mom because of your patience, sense of humor, and fondness for daytime drinking.

— Anonymous

I love being around people who love to do what I love to do, which is comedy.

— Tracy Morgan

“(...)best of luck, avoid roasted cabbage, don't eat earwax, and look on the bright side of life!”

— Christopher Paolini

Sometimes, I use humor because I believe in revealing truth in a way that other forms cannot.

— Ted Lieu

“I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials”

— Ann Everett