Humor Quotes · Page 483

I let the phone ring instead of rejecting the call because I dont want the person to know I'm ignoring them.

— Anonymous

“Sex with the gorilla went on a bit, but once he'd stumbled over my clitoris we both had good times.”

— Sue Townsend

So in all humours sportively I range; My muse is rightly of the English strain, That cannot long one fashion entertain.

— Michael Drayton

As long as you can savor the humorous aspect of misery and misfortune, you can overcome anything.

— John Candy

Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.

— Anonymous

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little…

— Erma Bombeck

I'm a comedian who happens to be Muslim; my comedy stems on all forms of my identity.

— Riaad Moosa

“But of course, all of this is just a silly fad, and when you add an "e" to fad, you get fade.…

— Andrew Clements

“I like to think of this little [newspaper] column as a brassière, or do I mean brasserie? Brazier, possibly. All three! A…

— Stephen Fry

“By some definitions I am a millennial. I was born in 1980 and entered adulthood in the early 2000s, and my transition…

— Steven Barker

Possibly the only genre that efficiently converted from TV to YouTube / Vine is sketch comedy, which has always had more to…

— Hank Green

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds…

— Tucker Max

I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long…

— Taran Killam

“When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. "Put your clothes in for a wash,"…

— Maureen Johnson

You should stick with what you enjoy, what you find funny -- that's the humor that will be the strongest, and that…

— Bill Watterson

Someone asked me what the key to being a good frontman was, and I think having a sense of humor about it…

— Alex Turner

Satire and comedy are really the only film mediums where you can get into ideas and have people leave the theater without…

— Justin Simien

“Randy held out the koosh. “What is it?” “I have no idea,” Donna said. “Your asshole scrubber?”

— Chris Genoa

I have little comedy notebooks, and I also have notes in my phone, and I'll write on my laptop for longer stories.

— Michelle Buteau

And it really pisses Peter and Micky off when I get onto one of those tangents where I start to do humor.

— Davy Jones

For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern.

— Leigh Hunt

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my…

— Anonymous

“It's better to have loved and lost than to be nagged about buying a damn anniversary gift every year.”

— Joey Green

“An obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face.”

— Andrew Hussie

“Do you ever lay off the crap or is it all bullshit, all the time with you?”

— Denise Grover Swank

Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that.

— George W. Bush

It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.

— Cassandra Clare

You have to have a sense of humor if you follow politics. Otherwise, the sheer fraudulence of it all will get you…

— Thomas Sowell

I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'

— Zach Galifianakis

“Ms. Bennett, do you know who I am? I am not accustomed to being spoken to in such a manner.”

— Jane Austen

“Good lord, woman, stop sounding like a creeper and pick your freakin jaw off the floor!”

— M.S. Knight

“I think reality is over-rated,' he said in the hope that this might come across as dark and charismatic.”

— David Nicholls

I've never cackled with laughter at a single line I've ever written. None of it has given me pleasure.

— Pat Conroy

If I find something funny and make an older woman laugh, I love that for some reason.

— Nathan Fielder

I have been accused of being a joker. But the most successful art to me involves humor.

— Man Ray

I'm trying to make sure that there's comedy as well as sadness. It makes the sadness more memorable.

— Rick Moody

I was voted funniest person in my middle-school yearbook. So I guess I was funny in middle school?

— Cecily Strong

There's plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it's a serious business.

— Al Franken

All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married :

— Ritu Ghatourey

“Listen, do you really expect me to believe that God lives beneath the Vatican?- Ezio Auditore”

— Oliver Bowden