When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Prayer works (unless God has a different plan for you, that is different than what you want). Pray now. It works best… — Juanita Ray Copy Share Image
“So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn’t?” He snorted. “You don’t just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with… — Dannika Dark Copy Share Image
“Most creatures run when they sense danger. People grab a six-pack and a folding chair.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
With comedy, if you write something for me, I'm better at it. I'm not sure I'm so good at improvisational stuff. — Robert Knepper Copy Share Image
“The worst case of discrimination can be witnessed in music. Imagine calling B 'sharp' in presence of D 'minor” — EverSkeptic Copy Share Image
It’s a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody’s expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at… — Richard Kalvar Copy Share Image
The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“Enjoy life, even in the most chaotic, hectic moments. Take time to breathe. Take time to consider what is important versus what… — Leigh Hershkovich Copy Share Image
“I drop my face to my hands and scrub hard. "I wish I had your boobs," I hear Sam announce and raise… — Kristen Proby Copy Share Image
Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
“A large battalion of my thoughts was marching determinedly on its way to Annoyance but it was distracted and took a wrong… — Marian Keyes Copy Share Image
A friend of mine was watching TV one day and he just was like, 'I bet you want to do comedy,' and… — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
A lot of people dont get my humor. My mom calls it dry humor. I think that means not funny, but it… — Jhiess Krieg Copy Share Image
“Tell me how you need us.” “I think this will be just the two of us.” But as Jon took up his… — Joey W. Hill Copy Share Image
In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“Pike spawn in February, March, and April because they cannot wait until May.” — Will Cuppy Copy Share Image
We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that! — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“Even Cronus, the Titan who literally had his kids for breakfast, would find these facts hard to swallow.” — Tai Odunsi Copy Share Image
“you know, all spider-like and mother fucking huge and hairy, he made up for with how he behaved and how he treated… — Mark Alders Copy Share Image
I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who propagates POODLES! — Richard Curtis Copy Share Image
“Never argue with a stupid person. They bring you down to their level, then beat you with their experience.” — Ricardo Gomes Lumbantoruan Copy Share Image
“DEAFNESS DOESN'T PREVENT COMPOSERS HEARING THE MUSIC. IT PREVENTS THEM HEARING THE DISTRACTIONS.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“If you're fixin' to get yourself a good stallion, don't go lookin' in the donkey corral.” — Ciji Ware Copy Share Image
I want someone who can keep me on my toes, has a good sense of humor and a good heart. — Carmen Electra Copy Share Image
“The most powerful women in Sachaka and all you do is waste time gossiping and matchmaking” — Trudi Canavan Copy Share Image
There is no laughter except that it is eventually followed up with weeping. — Ibn Sirin Copy Share Image
“It's my job as best friend to make sure he's not a serial killer. Or an English major, not sure which one's… — Shelly Crane Copy Share Image
Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I really do believe that anything in life, any obstacle or challenge, can be made better with humor. — Amy Poehler Copy Share Image
Right now I feel that I've got my feet on the ground as far as my head is concerned. — Bo Belinsky Copy Share Image
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next! — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged. Help. I've drowned the Beast Lord. ” — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“Instead of hopping around like a wild in'jun on fire, try counting from 10 backwards while hopping on one foot".” — R. Alan Woods Copy Share Image
You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins. — Mae West Copy Share Image
In rough times, pathfinders rely on work, friends, humor and prayer. They develop a support network. — Gail Sheehy Copy Share Image
Straight talking and going on your instincts was important when I grew up. And being funny. — Lynne Ramsay Copy Share Image
