“Balekin and Orlagh are planning your murder,” I say flustered. “Yes,” he says lazily. “So why did I wake at all?” — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business That's why they're called business socks It's business, it's business… — Flight of the Conchords Copy Share Image
“Dracula!” She said, turning to Daniel. He shook his head. “No, my name is Daniel.” — Stefanie J. Pristavu Copy Share Image
“You want to be there for emotional support, yet everything you say or do ends up irritating the mother-to-be while she is… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I have no patience with anyone born after World War II. You have to explain everything to these people. — Selma Diamond Copy Share Image
Humor is very interesting to me. My films are not comedies, but there's comedy in them from time to time, absurdities, just… — David Lynch Copy Share Image
Once you've been in a mental institution, people are going to look at you funny. — Drew Barrymore Copy Share Image
“You can't take a crash course in comedy, there is no crash course in comedy.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
When I did 'Nikki and Sara Live,' I think a lot of the comedy got lost because we were always so worried… — Nikki Glaser Copy Share Image
“simply enjoy giving more than receiving in every respect, do not take myself nor the doings of the masses seriously, am not… — Walter Isaacson Copy Share Image
It is one of the great goals of my administration to invigorate the spirit of involvement and citizenship. We will encourage faith-based… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“Tragedy and comedy involve an audience, so they must give--sharing themselves to elicit tears and laughter. Melodrama is not such a strategist.… — Yiyun Li Copy Share Image
I don't feel those limits when I'm on stage. For some reason, audiences let me get away with things. Remember, it's all… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“I bet you've seen the fundamentalist bumper sticker that says, "God said it! I believe it! That settles it!" It must be… — Robert M. Price Copy Share Image
“Those were great big angry men with sharp swords actually wanting to cut pieces off me. It’s not until you’ve seen a… — Mark Lawrence Copy Share Image
“Let’s see.’ She fiddles with her terminal and the room card reader. ‘You’re in 403 and 404. Have a nice day.' I… — Charles Stross Copy Share Image
“Humor and sarcasm: Humor and sarcasm are two very common ways to deflect, avoid, or simply deny feelings and thoughts.” — Shirley Impellizzeri Copy Share Image
“If you KNOW that you’re FUCKED Then you’re NOT If you think that you’re NOT THEN YOU ARE! Isn’t that lovely? Iambic… — Martin Atkins Copy Share Image
If there was an award for laziness I'd probably send somebody else to pick it up for me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
SINGLE AND (maybe if youre attractive funny and educated and/or Ryan Gosling ) READY TO MINGLE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you have any sense, if you're any good at comedy, you come to Austin. — Chris Cubas Copy Share Image
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Laughter is simply a smile heard out loud, that echoes happiness and love. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Sir Christopher Wren Said, "I am going to dine with some men. If anyone calls Say I am designing St. Paul's.” — E. C. Bentley Copy Share Image
Being a rapper is all fun and games until tax season rolls around and you can't recall exactly how many racks on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Mr. and Mrs. Wetherall's circle was so large that God was included in their visiting-list.” — Edith Wharton Copy Share Image
If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn't have an opportunity. — Bob Parsons Copy Share Image
I've been fired from a situational comedy with a script they wrote specifically for me because of my voice. — Penn Jillette Copy Share Image
Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
“Of course I would fall for Captain Emotionally Constipated. I could train a rock to hold more affection for me.” — K.M. Shea Copy Share Image
“We goan start promptly at seven o'clock, so be sure to take care of all your bodily needs and functions before we… — Charmaine T. Davis Copy Share Image
All Shondaland shows have a level of intelligence, a level of humor, a level of pathos and human connection. — Jason Winston George Copy Share Image
“{Victor} was no exception to a rule of Alun's that men over fifty who took care of themselves were not to be… — Kingsley Amis Copy Share Image
In real life I'm very low-key. A wallflower. One of the reasons I went into comedy and acting was that I was… — Jemaine Clement Copy Share Image
“CUSTOMER: Is your mother around ? BOOKSELLER: ... I run this bookshop. CUSTOMER: Oh. Sorry.” — Jen Campbell Copy Share Image
“His dark eyes searched her face. "But you love me," he said finally. She had no reason to deny it. Ileni lifted… — Leah Cypess Copy Share Image
“She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach's Air on the G string.” — Tai Odunsi Copy Share Image
I laugh almost everyday. I have a good sense of humor, so I'm always finding something funny. — Condoleezza Rice Copy Share Image
“Things stop being funny if you have to explain them to people, especially if they need excellent attention spans.” — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
“Susan had told him once that bravery was when you wanted to pee your pants, but you kept fighting” — Dan Krokos Copy Share Image
