Humor Quotes · Page 445

“The dead have existed for as long as the living, give or take a few years. But what good has that done…

— James Aquilone

Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is like Taylor Swift giving relationship advice.

— Miley McCormick

I think most Black women are funny. Whether we get credit or not, we just are; we're hilarious.

— Janelle James

The biggest benefit of being highly intelligent that I've found is that when you look at other people like they're stupid you're…

— Rock Cowles

“That's like leaping off a precipice and trying to knit yourself a parachute on the way down.”

— Kelli Jae Baeli

“I’ve lowered my character with a great deal of unwholesome reading material.”

— Lisa Kleypas

“if the creator of the universe is spending all his time watching you, it must surly be because he loves you.”

— David Mazzucchelli

I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

— Louis C. K

“I look at the check once more and then fold and tuck it into my bra. It's not every day a girl…

— Laura Castoro

“MILISAV (koji je rasuo svu fascikulu.): E, ovo je strašno; ovo je već prevršilo svaku meru! ŽIKA: Koje? MILISAV: Pa, brate, ja…

— Branislav Nušić

A comedy is just a tragedy interrupted, I once said. Do you finish with the kiss or when she opens her eyes…

— Alan Ayckbourn

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the…

— Tommy Cooper

When you start out in comedy, or probably in a lot of things, you want it to happen fast. You don't want…

— Mitch Hedberg

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that… Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world. And we laugh,…

— Samuel Beckett

I wasn't exactly uncomfortable when I did my first comedy. I was just very aware of the risks; if you do a…

— Donnie Wahlberg

“Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could…

— Catherine Tate

“...socialism had somehow made time more flexible. There were often situations when 1 PM and 5 PM were interchangeable.”

— Colin Cotterill

“I asked my interior designer to give me something appropriate for defiling virgins.”

— Nicki Elson

If I did not have a sense of humor, I would have long ago killed myself.

— Mahatma Gandhi

“Heifer.” “Rich man’s whore!” “At least mine can cook the food he eats. And replaces it, too.” “Now see, Dee-Ann Smith. That…

— Shelly Laurenston

“Peter to Austin: "Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7.”

— Dani Alexander

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

— Mitch Hedberg

Sometimes the only way to deal with horrific things in life is through a dark sense of humor.

— Margaret Cho

A group of idiots led by a wise man can defeat a group of wise people led by an idiot.

— Senora Roy

I'm a very funny person that doesn't get the chance to do a lot of comedy, and the same thing with my…

— Malik Yoba

Writing humour certainly involves pain. A sitcom is 6 months of writing pain!

— Miranda Hart

Well, I wish some of you would tell me the brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a…

— Abraham Lincoln

A lot about Congress is about forming good working relationships with people, and humor can really help you do that.

— Linda Sanchez

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

— Rita Rudner

Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That's like ray charles giving stevie wonder driving directions.

— Anonymous

Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore.

— Wavy Gravy

I don't think it's possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor.

— Christopher Hitchens

But I think frustration is hilarious. One of my missions is to bring humor into fine art. It's sacred.

— Wayne White

My film is very simple: An Eastern European story full of black humor about things everyone can feel and understand.

— Malgorzata Szumowska

“So does that mean if you won’t fuck me because I’m high, I could fuck you because you’re not?”

— K.A. Mitchell

“If you don't leave room for the unexpected to express itself in your life, you close yourself off from the possibility of…

— Robert Stikmanz

My years on 'SNL' had reconfirmed that what I do best is play for a sort of edgy comedy.

— Paul Shaffer

“It's woman's power, food is. You be sure you know where'n the hook is before swallerin' it, Dru. You mind me, now.”

— Lili St. Crow

“If you cannot display gloominess when announcing obituary, better eat bitter kola with garlic beforehand and beforeleg.”

— Vincent Okay Nwachukwu

Laughter is like a fresh new day, each giggle is the dawn of a new morning; brighten up your day and smile…

— Anonymous