Humor Quotes · Page 426

“Something different was happening to William alright, as if Winkleberry wasn’t different enough.”

— S.Z. Berg

Molly Shannon, for example, is someone I've always really looked up to, because her comedy is so physical and wild and unembarrassed…

— Casey Wilson

“I know the fucking Bible, and there ain't no fucking Book of Leviathan.”

— Dan Simmons

Attitude, humor and action (persistence) will whip fears and rejection. Fear of failure doesn't exist, if you believe it doesn't.

— Jeffrey Gitomer

A lot of my humor does come from anger. It's like, you're not gonna pull one over on me - which is…

— Courteney Cox

Somehow people were connected to my funny bone and they always laughed at my jokes, and I also started enjoying that.

— Sunil Grover

So many comedy shows came and went but it was 'The Kapil Sharma' Show that excelled.

— Upasana Singh

“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”

— Dorothy Parker

“It's not the concept of marriage I have a problem with. I'd like to get married too. A couple times. It's the…

— Chelsea Handler

At Poltersberg, there is a lake similarly cursed. If you throw a stone into it, a dreadful storm immediately arises, and the…

— Martin Luther

“I tried for a decade not to feel anything,” I said. I didn’t wipe away the tear that broke free. He’d already…

— Vee Hoffman

“The bus had a lavatory in the wayback rear, which no one ever made any attempt to use, and I remember consciously…

— David Foster Wallace

“One such question revolved around the informal institution of black kids eating together in the cafeteria. I’m going to let you in…

— Baratunde Thurston

“We went into Bennie's, where Ratso bought all three newspapers: the Post, which I always read and Ratso hated, The New York…

— Kinky Friedman

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit…

— Jeff Foxworthy

“But mysterious caves and tunnels always have luminous fungi, strangely bright crystals or at a pinch merely an eldritch glow in the…

— Terry Pratchett

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the…

— Kristen Schaal

That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.

— Jerry Coleman

That laughter costs too much which is purchased by the sacrifice of decency.

— Anonymous

“This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen…

— Rachel Caine

London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.

— Aziz Ansari

“Adding kidney beans to his cottage cheese and pineapple was an act of bravery Dave had not intended.”

— Theric Jepson

My secret to comedy is don't offend anybody. Don't offend anybody ever. That's my secret.

— Justin Roiland

“You are blessed with luck, small one', he told Harry. 'Rejoice and give thanks - - someone wants you dead.”

— Justin Richards

“So what do you think the physical effect was?" Roman Laughed. "Buddy," he said, "she was tripping.”

— Jodi Picoult

“I finally figured out the big, elusive secret to weight loss. Don't eat! Who knew?”

— Richelle E. Goodrich

This is what I'm good at. I like meeting people, my fellow citizens, I like interfacing with them.

— George W. Bush

“I could tell the raciest things these women had ever been involved in was a co-ed game of Connect Four.”

— Chelsea Handler

Comedy writing is the hardest, and yet there's so much that's relatable in it.

— Valerie Faris

“I am too old a soldier to believe that. Hoster will be chiding me about the Redwyne girl even as we light…

— George R.R. Martin

I had a couple of decent laughs on Townies, but for the most part, delivering a joke that you just know is…

— Eric McCormack

“Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house." Simon pointed at Jace.”

— Cassandra Clare

“I tell you it's deadly when you start thinking your wife might be right.”

— Isaac Asimov

“And then there was the headless horseman!" said Tiffany. "He had no head!" "Well, that is the major job qualification," said the…

— Terry Pratchett

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

— Oscar Wilde

We have to have humor to survive 22 episodes a year of network television.

— Sallie Patrick

I got the sun in my hand wait nope... I got the sun on my shoulder reading my texts

— MrCountry

I've always used humor, but I use humor when coping with things in general.

— Laura Michelle Kelly

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

— Anonymous

I swear if I feel one more bug crawl on me I will set it on fire and then feed it's body…

— Lisette Alfaro