“Supportive parents, I tell you. I never thought they would get me killed before I graduated from high school.” — E.K. Johnston Copy Share Image
“Senator Goldwater would have been a great success in the movies — working for 18th century Fox.” — Hubert Humphrey Copy Share Image
“98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Top Gear' is all about the cars. We've got humour in it but the unique premise of the show is it all… — Chris Harris Copy Share Image
“An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Since when did you bring a gun?" Navidson asks, crouching near the door. "Are you kidding me? This place is scary .” — Mark Z. Danielewski Copy Share Image
It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My mom still tells me not to talk to strangers. Im 22 mom, I dont talk to strangers, I sleep with them. — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
R&b, poetry, I'd like to do everything. But I'm an entertainer and entertaining is not just music. I can do comedy; I'm… — Keak da Sneak Copy Share Image
“The Tanakee are thought to possess strange, almost supernatural powers.Their eyes are described as large and hypnotic." From Tribe of the Teddy… — J. Joseph Wright Copy Share Image
The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Now obviously popularity isn't everything when it comes to stand up comedy, but the art form itself is better today than it… — Joe Rogan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy is a different game all together. You have to improvise on the spot if you feel that the audience isn't… — Johnny Lever Copy Share Image
Sometimes I do readings and people can’t stop laughing, but I’m reading about pretty tragic things. I think Soviet humor is a… — Alina Bronsky Copy Share Image
“As we reached the wooded hill that led to the pipe, Cheater said, "Uh-oh." "What's wrong?" I asked. "Is anyone here thinking… — David Lubar Copy Share Image
It needs to be said that sometimes my mom forgets important details when she talks. Like the time she told us she… — Bill Konigsberg Copy Share Image
I know Jonathan Van Ness from comedy, and he's got this wonderful show on Funny or Die called 'Gay of Thrones.' — Nicole Byer Copy Share Image
I really think that you can extract a lot of comedy out of really dramatic, intense situations. — Jason Gann Copy Share Image
“Modern dating was a labyrinthine manscape riddled with trolls, bros, haters, and selfie-obsessed divos.” — Duncan Ralston Copy Share Image
“Just be sure you brush your teeth tonight. Morning breath is a fresh sea breeze compared to the hellitosis of blood breath.” — Jaye Wells Copy Share Image
There is definitely a pressure for funny people to be funny. People want them to perform all the time. — Marsha Thomason Copy Share Image
“The baloney weighed the raven down, and the shopkeeper almost caught him as he whisked out the delicatessen door.” — Peter S. Beagle Copy Share Image
Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Joy, humor, and laughter should be part of everyone's spiritual life. They are gifts from God and help us enjoy creation.” — James Martin Copy Share Image
At home in my room, I'm funny, but if I'm commissioned to be that, I don't feel very funny. — Zazie Beetz Copy Share Image
“The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Love is the jelly to sunshines peanut butter. And if I tell you that Im in sandwich with you, Im not just… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
People see me on the 'Daily Show' or 'About a Boy'. But the reality is that I only got into this business… — Al Madrigal Copy Share Image
“I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.” — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“I probably will see humor in someone kicking your ass. But I promise to avenge you right after I stop laughing.” — K.F. Breene Copy Share Image
“I'm no doormat. At worst, I'm a very attractive accent rug, because if I get stained or damaged, someone is going to… — S. Hart Copy Share Image
“The only French word I know is oui, which means “yes,” and only recently did I learn it’s spelled o-u-i and not… — Stephanie Perkins Copy Share Image
“I wouldn't doubt it for a second if any of these literature teachers had a hand-sculpted custom-made replica of Shakespeare's dick.” — Eliza Gubbins Copy Share Image
“You're a man milliner, Poirot. I never notice what people have on." "You should join a nudist colony” — Agatha Christie Copy Share Image
Moderate is eunuch for wishy washy. True moderates don't have opinions and shouldn't be taking polls. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
In a lot of comedy shows, there's a safety net where you don't assume anything of real consequence will happen. — Hiro Murai Copy Share Image
“Sometimes a girl needed more than Special K with Red Berries in the morning. This qualified as one of those mornings.” — Stephanie Julian Copy Share Image
I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already. — Jerry Lewis Copy Share Image
“Maybe you aren't as smart as you think you are, Mr. Stark." "Nonsense. I'm fucking brilliant. Or haven't you heard?” — J. Kenner Copy Share Image
Believe it or not, there's a lot of humor in 'Mad Men.' Especially in the dark moments. — Matthew Weiner Copy Share Image
