I haven't done a lot in London. I think comedy over there is how it was over here years ago. There's tons… — Todd Barry Copy Share Image
“Judging books by their covers is seriously underrated, and any book nerd who claims never to have done it is probably lying.” — Amy Elizabeth Smith Copy Share Image
If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me. — Jessi Klein Copy Share Image
Love and a good sense of humour strengthen the entire body; remember your cells respond to your input. — Barbara Marciniak Copy Share Image
“Live snakes? ' said one of the scribes. 'You mean-' 'Yeah,' said Locke. 'They've got scales, they slither around - snakes. Keep… — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
“Nothing's really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I'll be hopelessly outnumbered.” — Eilis O'Neal Copy Share Image
“You really know how to make a person sound like a hermit." "If the sagging spot on the couch fits.” — Ottilie Weber Copy Share Image
“Even though we'd never met, imagining being dumped by Gene made me want to die. What was the point of going out… — Melissa Kantor Copy Share Image
I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered!… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I would like to thank a world that never understood or accepted me, family and friends that never believed in me, and… — David Draiman Copy Share Image
It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Because baby, I'm wild pussy and wild pussy can't be bought. Wild pussy doesn't like having pretty things thrown at it and… — Madeline Sheehan Copy Share Image
“A friend: What book haven't you read yet? Me: I'm not sure. I have read the Percy Jackson series or Mortal Instrument… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“..Instead of Ralston saying any number of wonderful things that could have been appropriate for the precise situation in which they had… — Sarah MacLean Copy Share Image
Be fun! I don't like homes or rooms that don't have a sense of humor or have some sense of whimsy or… — Bryan Batt Copy Share Image
“The wealthiest Person on earth is one who is free from the love of Money” — Andrew Darrah Copy Share Image
Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
“I decided long ago that life's absurd. If you don't develop a sense of humor, it will drive you mad.” — James Maxey Copy Share Image
“Roses are red Violets are blue I don't go on this account So go away SHOO!” — bob C Cow Copy Share Image
You may not like the humor, but that is why every radio has an on-off button. — Mel Karmazin Copy Share Image
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on… — Michael Lazarus Copy Share Image
This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework. — Ben Aaronovitch Copy Share Image
New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When I was in Canada I shot a romantic comedy that I'm looking forward to having people see, it's called 'The Weekend.' — Y'lan Noel Copy Share Image
Someone once described me as the Zelig of comedy, and I think I know what he means. — Arthur Smith Copy Share Image
If it isn't funny, it isn't worth mentioning. And if it isn't funny, why, you make it funny! — Jackie Coogan Copy Share Image
“Kate picked up her coffee cup, frowning when she saw it was empty. "Did you drink my coffee?" "Yes. I was feeling… — Jennifer Crusie Copy Share Image
“Oh, shut up Hagan. I'm not doing it for you; I'm doing it for me. I don't want your blood getting all… — J.L. McCoy Copy Share Image
“You wanna know how to make God laugh?" he said. "Tell him your plans." (God-shaped Hole)” — Tiffany Debartolo Copy Share Image
I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in… — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“I didn't tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You're a woman. Now… — John Green Copy Share Image
“Folk tror, man kan opnå det evige liv ved at motionere. Det eneste, man bliver, er forpustet.” — Bjarne Reuter Copy Share Image
e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you approach Cannes with a sense of humor, nothing is that bad. You have to take it for what it is;… — Mathieu Amalric Copy Share Image
