“Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Being funny was something I was doing before I understood what that even was. Now I'm making a career out of it. — Kayvan Novak Copy Share Image
A friend will help you move a couch but a true friend will help you hide a dead body. — Libby Hinrichs Copy Share Image
“This is how I lose weight: Time to raid the stores and buy as much junk food as I can! OOPS! Oh,… — Sarah Willey Copy Share Image
“There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they find to laugh at.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
Comedy or villain, the role does not matter as long as it is challenging. — Paresh Rawal Copy Share Image
“Crunches are an exercise where you lie on your back and angrily try to head-butt your crotch.” — Matthew Inman Copy Share Image
“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.” — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
Talking Heads were a big influence on my comedy. For David Byrne, every album had to be different. With 'Portlandia,' every season… — Fred Armisen Copy Share Image
“Floyd did not accept the blame for his defeat. He blamed his fellow general Henry Wise for not committing some of his… — Clint Johnson Copy Share Image
“Mr. Schlubb, the pear-shaped PE teacher, sent us all out to run half a dozen laps around a preposterously enormous cinder track.… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
“I wasn't thinking all of them—just Zed and Victor. Zed as the seventh son has a touch of most of our skills… — Joss Stirling Copy Share Image
To a straight man, the notion of walking around as a coiffed, waxed, nail-polish-wearing, lispy dude is uproariously absurd. As people, we… — Steven Crowder Copy Share Image
“Quote is taken from Chapter 1: A decade ago when Isabel’s husband Max had died, they’d moved in together and merged their… — Ed Lynskey Copy Share Image
“It's a fucking pharmaceutical conspiracy, Eve. We've wiped out just about every known plague, disease, and infection. Oh, we come up with… — J.D. Robb Copy Share Image
In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“I feel like I should have a formation and make the plantoon sergeants demonstrate how to put a condom on the correct… — Jessica Scott Copy Share Image
Seriousness is no more a guarantee of truth, insight, authenticity or probity, than humour is a guarantee of superficiality and stupidity. — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
“I guess it’s worth a shot.” More than likely a wasted bullet, but I’ll fire anyway.” — Brandy Nacole Copy Share Image
“It felt like life had thrown a pie right in my face. And that pie was full of bricks.” — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Good acting is thinking in front of the camera. I just do that and apply a sense of humor to it. You… — Charles Grodin Copy Share Image
Rock n' roll is at a standstill, I think - and comedy is taking its place as something exciting. — John Belushi Copy Share Image
I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Before comedy, I worked at a tech company, and before that, I worked on Wall Street. And, honestly, I've never really been… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
“You know that's why mermaids swim around topless all the time, right? It's because their boobs are too big and all bras… — H.M. Ward Copy Share Image
“Illegitmi non carborundum ..O sea "que los carbones no te quemen tus legumbres" CANTINFLAS” — CANTINFLAS Copy Share Image
There is a point in portraying surface vulgarity where tragedy and comedy are very close. — Barbara Stanwyck Copy Share Image
“A cat is friendly in a hollow sort of way, like the way a prostitute is friendly.” — Jonathan-David Jackson Copy Share Image
I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“People can never be educated with education, they can only be educated with humor.” — Sneha Mehta Copy Share Image
“We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
My friends know that I have a silly sense of humour and I can be a little vulgar at times - but… — Carmen Electra Copy Share Image
“'Having' Your Cake…a little perverted… 'Eating' it too…a lot perverted!” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and… — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“Yes I am sure I am Super Woman now add more Spanx to the spandex in my suit please ;)” — Kim Cormack Copy Share Image
“She had what I'd call a lemming ass - that is, an ass that you would follow right over the edge of… — Andrew Davidson Copy Share Image
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
The more trouble you get a man into, the more comedy you get out of him. — Harold Lloyd Copy Share Image
