“You can't trust just any old person who comes along with a hundred puffins and a pretty face!” — Catherynne M. Valente Copy Share Image
I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and… — Maria Bamford Copy Share Image
I love it when my justifications for avoiding housework are actually legitimate. — Julie Kenner Copy Share Image
Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because… — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“If you talk about someone behind their back, doesn't that mean you are in front of them?” — Jordan Smith Copy Share Image
I think you really have to tap into your sense of humor in order to survive. — Taylor Swift Copy Share Image
“The bride will keep her name and, after considerable negotiation, the groom will, too.” — Meg Waite Clayton Copy Share Image
“I hope this book will inspire the kitchen con-artist in you, increase fruit and veggie consumption in your family, and motivate you… — Merrin McGregor Copy Share Image
“Just one more line, please. I'll do anything. And I mean anything." "Good, we've got him hooked," said Ryan. "It won't be… — Aiden Shaw Copy Share Image
“I be dog if hit don't look like sometimes that when a fellow sets out to play a joke, hit ain't another… — William Faulkner Copy Share Image
“My brain is a vast, barren, jokeless plain where wolves howl at the moon over rocky overhangs and the wind kicks up… — Craig Silvey Copy Share Image
“I think that's possibly the nicest thing you have said to me. Ever." I laughed. "No it's not. I've said nice things… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“My dick didn't seem to be aware that she was there. She kept asking me what was wrong, and I was so… — Nikki Sixx Copy Share Image
“Time seemed to stand still as they remained embraced, him holding his body weight on his elbows as he looked down at… — Carla Cassidy Copy Share Image
I'd probably be better off without trying to satisfy me, with my sense of humor. There are things that I have said… — Bobby Knight Copy Share Image
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Lebanon is the only country where media kills more than bombs, injures more than guns...and at last they say freedom of speech...” — Hussein S. Hariri Copy Share Image
Comedy is good at analysing and dealing with evil because it doesn't present it as evil but a collection of banalities. — David Farr Copy Share Image
I have issues with food and weight and I can make that funny. The audience loves it. I have fun with it. — John Pinette Copy Share Image
Humor is essential to survival. Funny poems are vastly underrated. Very underwritten. — Rachel Zucker Copy Share Image
Comedy fans are the best fans. They embrace and support you doing low-budget work and will follow you to the end of… — June Diane Raphael Copy Share Image
“Oh, Lord, she thought. This was crazy. She was being haunted by one ghost and guarded by another.” — Heather Graham Copy Share Image
“My job is to scream cockle-doodle-doo. Don't blame me if the sun doesn't rise.” — Janet Skeslien Charles Copy Share Image
I have always found humor in places where humor wasn't necessarily intended. — Silas Weir Mitchell Copy Share Image
She knew what all smart women knew: Laughter made you live better and longer. — Gail Parent Copy Share Image
“We didn’t have a date. A date ends in a kiss, not blood and broken cartilage.” — Cath Crowley Copy Share Image
“I like pancakes! And I have a gun. I shoot bad guys with it. Sometimes, bad guys go to sleep and don't… — Stephen Jenner Copy Share Image
Jerry Bruckheimer creates comedy, he just doesn't realize because he's a turd. — Trey Parker Copy Share Image
“Oh, come now, Manon,” Ilyse laughed, “It’s my job to liven things up a bit, too. I can’t let you and your… — Melika Dannese Lux Copy Share Image
“People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.” — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“Why hasn't anyone killed him yet?” “Dumb luck,” Wit said. “In that I’m lucky you’re all so dumb.” — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
I like to do comedy, but I'll be perfectly honest, I prefer to do drama and more character-driven-based stuff, generally. — Matt Dillon Copy Share Image
“We don’t like it when women get uppity.” “Well,” she said, “that is a bit of a problem, as I am feeling… — Sarah MacLean Copy Share Image
“I swear, sometimes talking to you is like trying to converse with a tree. A very big, very solid, very male tree.” — Julie Ann Walker Copy Share Image
“Whenever you feel the urge to cheat on your diet, think of Channing Tatum being your pool boy ...” — Care Blanchett Copy Share Image
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. — Agnes Repplier Copy Share Image
“A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you Saying, 'Damn. We fucked… — Cheyenne McCray Copy Share Image
Any kind of change in your life creates more material for me, because I say in my act 'It ain't comedy, it's… — John Pinette Copy Share Image
