Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I pat her on the head. "Oh, naive little Kitten. Dear, foolish girl. This cookie is worth all this and more. Sit… — Jenny Han Copy Share Image
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My bed is a time machine. I lay down for 5 minutes and the next thing I know, its 5 hours later... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Honey, that man would do anything to keep you. Lie, steal, cheat, kill, clean up after himself, and do laundry.” — Alisa Sheckley Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto-correct is like 'I got nothing, man.' — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
People that want it to just be funny should not despair, because there is so much true crazy comedy coming up. — Mary Steenburgen Copy Share Image
“Never postpone until tomorrow what you can postpone until the day after.” — Raoul Wallenberg Copy Share Image
“Suspended for fighting. It had a ring. Not simply suspended, which could be for any number of inane infractions from skipping algebra… — Bob Flaherty Copy Share Image
“One would think that since Hamilton and Eliza only just got married, our mothers would be satisfied for a while, but instead… — Jen Turano Copy Share Image
The Beatles defined their own sense of values and honor. They took stances without ever being politically correct. And they did it… — Sophie B. Hawkins Copy Share Image
Whence comes this idea that if what we are doing is fun, it can't be God's will? The God who made giraffes,… — Catherine Marshall Copy Share Image
Comedy films never die, all they need is a good script instead of merely relying on humour. That said, I would love… — Suraj Venjaramood Copy Share Image
“This social worker lassie turns round n gies us a stroppy look. Ah jist smiles bit she looked away aw fuckin nippy… — Irvine Welsh Copy Share Image
She who ne'er answers till a husband cools, Or, if she rules him, never shows she rules; Charms by accepting, by submitting,… — Alexander Pope Copy Share Image
We are not actually in charge of life, yet behave as if we are the masters of our own destiny. The realization… — Billy Childish Copy Share Image
“Serena had to cross her legs: in moments of dire amusement her bladder tended to play tricks.” — A.P Copy Share Image
I don't understand why there is such a trend now for comedy to be cruel. Once you're cruel, you're not a comedian… — Omid Djalili Copy Share Image
I'd love to get into some comedy, but people keep saying, 'You're not funny!' And I say, 'Well, fair enough.' I have… — Ciaran Hinds Copy Share Image
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion. — Thomas Browne Copy Share Image
Basically, I think you need two things to get by in this world: a sense of humor and the ability to laugh… — Arlo Guthrie Copy Share Image
I'm gradually working through my obsessions, and maybe, when they're all free and clear, I'll write a comedy. But I'm not there… — Alice Sebold Copy Share Image
“Overheard at O'Banion's Beer Emporium: "Pardon me, darlin', but I'm writin' a telephone book. C'n I have yer number?” — Henry D. Spalding Copy Share Image
Most people get excited over new cars; I get excited over death certificates. It's no wonder my husband worries about my state… — Rett MacPherson Copy Share Image
When you see Charlie Chaplin, he stays funny. He doesn't become drama, and so what really seems to endure is comedy. — Leslie Nielsen Copy Share Image
“I feel like a cup of tea with no milk. I just had one. It was disgusting.” — Paul Colman Copy Share Image
For such a big chunk of my comedy career, I was very into the idea of ice and diamonds and silver. — Julio Torres Copy Share Image
“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Whatever this guy was about to dish out, I was prepared to respond with, “Thank you, sir, and, may I have another?” — Nick Pageant Copy Share Image
“I could spend the rest of my life writing and drawing books for kids and be a very happy man.” — Daniel Sean Kaye Copy Share Image
Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“You look like a cat beat your ass as comeuppance for everything dogs have done to them.” — Shawntelle Madison Copy Share Image
I've always felt, and I think I've been pigeonholed by the media, as being a very separate voice to the rest of… — Omid Djalili Copy Share Image
“I feel that the characters in my book, if they were real, would be like, "Seriously, another plot twist?” — Kaya Carvajal Copy Share Image
“All I know is that when I whisper to dirt, my conversations are less than meaningful.” — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
You can handle anything if you think you can. Just keep your cool and your sense of humor. — Smiley Blanton Copy Share Image
“Henry Jones: I didn't know you could fly a plane! Indiana Jones: Fly -- yes, land -- no.” — Rob MacGregor Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
“In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
