“Funny how what's good for the gander is good for the goose...until it's your goose ~ The Duke of Lancaster” — Catherine Hemmerling Copy Share Image
“If I'm going down, I'm taking it with me. M.A.D., bitch. I'm up for Mutually Assured Destruction - if that's what it… — T.L. Huchu Copy Share Image
The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — 'Cuppa tea, cuppa tea... almost got shagged... cuppa tea'?” — Buffy the Vampire Slayer Marti Noxon Copy Share Image
“A women can run, hide, play and have fun but she will shine far better when she just smiles without none.” — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
“Smartass Disciple: Master, I’m going to change the whole world. Master of Stupidity: It changes within you. It changes without you.” — Toba Beta Copy Share Image
There's some sort of unspoken license... when outlandish things come out of an inanimate object, somehow it equals humor. — Jeff Dunham Copy Share Image
“As they walked into the living room, Trevor cleared his throat loudly. "We're coming in. Hands where I can see them, dicks… — Katie Allen Copy Share Image
Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
There's nothing that beats proving you're funny by making a funny thing, and right now there are huge outlets for that, with… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“Is Loor a man's name or a woman's name?" Aja, TRB. It is the name of a female warrior." Loor, TRB. What… — D.J. MacHale Copy Share Image
I went to a heavy metal concert. The singer yelled out, "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" And… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When I tried to branch out into comedy, I didn't do very well at it, so I went back to doing what… — Sylvester Stallone Copy Share Image
“Gabrielle chuckled, her dark eyes twinkling. “So he’s been after you, has he? Poor Etta, pursued by a sun priest offering to… — Michelle O'Leary Copy Share Image
“. . . Mrs. Lambchop sighed and shook her head. "You're at the office all day, having fun," she said. "You don't… — Jeff Brown Copy Share Image
I have often reflected within myself on this unaccountable humor in womankind of being smitten with everything that is showy and superficial,… — Joseph Addison Copy Share Image
Some B****ch need to stop Doing Abortion, cuz very soon their stomach will become a cemetery — Scott Japal Copy Share Image
“What do you suspect from a society that gets all its news from late-night comedy shows?” — Brian Michael Bendis Copy Share Image
“One day, I want enough money to be at the center of a corruption scandal.” — Gil A. Waters Copy Share Image
Drop the question of what tomorrow may bring, and count as profit every day that Fate allows you. — Horace Copy Share Image
“Wisconsin isn't a state, it's a state of mind; and gentle good humor is the coin of the realm.” — Scott Jacobs Copy Share Image
I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
So I decided to look into presidential candidate Rick Santorum so I googled — Sir Eddy Cook Copy Share Image
I'm a huge fan of the people and things that are considered the epitomes of tastelessness - things like drag and raunchy… — Margaret Cho Copy Share Image
In everything I write, I'm always striving to hit the right mix of light and darkness, humor and pain, fun and seriousness. — Greg van Eekhout Copy Share Image
And we all vied, in saving face, to be the greatest student of human nature, the person with the quickest sense of… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
“Really, Mom? Boob play isn’t your thing? You didn’t have an urge to motorboat them? I, for one, am shocked.” — Laurel Ulen Curtis Copy Share Image
“I have a sixth sense for things I don't want to know and her manner pegged this as top of the scale… — J.F. Lewis Copy Share Image
I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Good drama, challenging drama - and comedy for that matter - has a place in the daytime schedule. — Sanjeev Bhaskar Copy Share Image
It is in vain to ridicule a rich fool, for the laughers will be on his side. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused. — Shirley MacLaine Copy Share Image
If the Mayans have taught us anything, it is that if you don't finish something, it's not the end of the world. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It is quite possible that I may be altogether wrong in this idea. My own impression, however, is, that I am right.” — Wilkie Collins Copy Share Image
If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor. — Kate Beckinsale Copy Share Image
“I’m so glad I put a hot, naked guy on my Christmas wish list. I just didn’t think Santa would actually deliver… — Patricia W. Fischer Copy Share Image
“Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom. ~Taki” — Taki Copy Share Image
My dad's one of the funniest men in the world. I grew up with him making me laugh so much I'd beg… — Rafe Spall Copy Share Image
“A travesty of epic proportions,” Tock agreed. “How much you wanna bet they couldn’t even turn the computer on?” — T.J. Klune Copy Share Image
“Stolen oranges also have Vitamin C. Likewise, a stolen salmon, too, has omega-3 fatty acids.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
