Humor Quotes · Page 316

“Melted cheese is a culinary veil...a foxhole where mediocrity can hide.”

— Alissa Nutting

“I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.”

— Hannah Harrington

“Before you criticize a man walk a mile in his shoes--then when you criticize him you will be a mile away, and…

— L.C. Russell

Man:Why dont you come home with me. Girl:No.I don't think so. Man:Don't worry.I knew your sister. Girl:Yeah.That's why she got pregnant,Bitch.

— Jessica Sears

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

— A. P. Herbert

If you’ve got the comedy eye, you can look at any situation and see the humor in it while others don’t.

— Garry Marshall

I heard you're good in algebra, can you replace my 'X' without asking 'Y?'

— Anonymous

“You can't lead when you have not been loaded with the skills of immagination.”

— oladosu feyikogbon

“Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A single assembly is liable to all the vices, follies, and frailties of an individual; subject to fits of humor, starts of…

— John Adams

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a…

— Jimmy Carr

“In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank…

— C.E. Murphy

“I’m tempted to kill the general first, then his staff officers. Sometimes you just want to eat pudding early. All the same,…

— David Gunn

“First of all, you must never speak of anything by its name -- in that country. So, if you see a tree…

— Aleister Crowley

“The others would then fall silent and she would continue about doped gallium arsenide detectors, or the ethanol content of the galactic…

— Carl Sagan

Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for…

— Chelsea Handler

No new sect ever had humor; no disciples either, even the disciples of Christ.

— Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

— Zach Galifianakis

I love everybody like I love my family: with pain, rage, random devotion, guilt, humor & tenderness.

— Anonymous

The goal of almost every comic is to find a comedy voice - a specific point of view that an audience can…

— Chris Hardwick

Last night, my wife asked if I could make a dinner for a change. I'm glad she has such a good sense…

— Nikhil Saluja

“Our friend Dirac has a creed; and the main tenet of that creed is: There is no God, and Dirac is his…

— Wolfgang Pauli

“Hi honey, I’m home! Take your pants off!” Wesley announced. He kissed my cheek as he passed me and put his lunch…

— J.M. Colail

“You taste like sugar," he pants through a smile, still out of breath. "Somehow I doubt that. But I appreciate the thought.”

— Addison Moore

The point is, this is a way to help inoculate me about what has come and is coming.

— George W. Bush

Comedy is a medicine - a healing process that can help people get through difficult times and understand things better

— Ricky Gervais

I can't see that it's wrong to give him a little legal experience before he goes out to practice law.

— John F. Kennedy

Indonesian people don't get satire; that's the thing. There's no thought in our humor.

— Rich Brian

Art must always remain earnest... Art must be serious, no sarcasm, comedy. One does not laugh at a loved one.

— Arshile Gorky

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

— Robert Orben

“For thirty minutes I sat back and felt the glimmer of pride that historically precedes the most catastrophic falls.”

— Antony John

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

— Milton Jones

Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical.

— Ayn Rand

To me, sadness and humor aren't disrelated and humor is the best tool I've had against the sadness in my life.

— Mike Mills

“Life is a beautiful thing. Plant it in the ground, and it blooms into opportunity, capice?”

— Gasmaskman

I maintain that some Jew wrote it who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any.

— Martin Luther

“Gossiping's part of witchcraft,' said Tiffany. 'They're checking to see if they've gone batty yet.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Go dangle your withered parts over the toilet!' Ignatius screamed savagely.”

— John Kennedy Toole

“To read someone else's work is good, to have them read yours is amazing!”

— Rishi Barua

“I walked with a sexy, confident walk, just like Bambi on his first walk.”

— Carolina Soto