Humor Quotes · Page 314

A genius of comedy His talent brought joy and Laughter to all the world.

— Oliver Hardy

“I already told you,” said Adam. “There is no need to swear.” “Sorry, it just fucking slipped out,” said Zeb.”

— Margaret Atwood

“You're lucky I was on that roof all day. That old man... he was trying to sell you a Sega product.”

— Harvard Lampoon

I don't trust people that put the twist tie back on the bread...just spin it.

— Anonymous

Comedy was never a scarcity in Kollywood. Comedians of great calibre have emerged from this land.

— Vivek

When I grew up in Kansas, I was always getting in trouble for my blue sense of humor.

— Bridget Everett

Laughter has been implanted in our soul, that the soul may sometime be refreshed.

— Saint John Chrysostom

Finding a way to find humor in things that are hardcore is definitely something that, I think, the sitcom does best.

— Megyn Price

I don't come from a comedy background or a stand-up background, but I think that sometimes there's a misconception that an actor…

— Darren Boyd

I hate to let people down. I was like that in sports and I was like that in comedy. I was like…

— Bernie Mac

I'd love to be in a feature film, and I don't just mean in a starring role - it could be a…

— Barbara Mandrell

“Even light comedy should be well motivated. It’s foolish to assume that a shorter book needs any less attention in the GMC…

— Debra Dixon

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like…

— Louis C. K

The biggest influence on my writing, besides snagging some ideas about black humor, was that the paper mill had a program where…

— Donald Ray Pollock

You get used to such micro-aggressions, those sneaky remarks. Especially in comedy: when the mood is meant to be light you can…

— Rose Matafeo

“Because when you’re a 23-year old party girl who has to pee you don’t really think about the possibility that your nerdy…

— Kate Madison

In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.

— Tina Fey

Whoever keeps his mouth shut when he realizes that he is wrong is wise and he who holds the mouth even if…

— Vikrant Parsai

“Far be it from me to keep a woman from her book. That could become dangerous.”

— Elizabeth Hunter

[Eric:] "I'm hoping that the more you see me, the more I'll grow on you." [Sookie:] "Like a fungus?

— Charlaine Harris

You get your cards, place your bets, and play the best game you can. The House always wins.

— Rock Cowles

“The beginning of forgiveness is often exhaustion. You're pooped; thank God.”

— Anne Lamott

Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.

— Jim Gaffigan

“And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.”

— Scott Westerfeld

I feel like humor is a part of life. I don't think it comes through as much in the novels as it…

— Stephenie Meyer

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

— Woody Allen

“Running into a burning building probably wasn't the smartest move Kenton Lake had ever made. Then again, sadly, it wasn't his dumbest…

— Cynthia Eden

“Don't profane yourself, or the Biodag Dubh." Oh, Mary Ann. Me and the Beedak Doo are just fine.”

— Kendare Blake

“All that crap about time being a great healer is bullshit. Time heals nothing. Well, acne maybe.”

— Saurbh Katyal

“I have a feeling we're mooning a mean junkyard dog, all brave and laughing - until the dog's leash breaks”

— Kevin J. Anderson

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he…

— Steven Wright

“Am I bothered? Am I bothered though. I ain't doing nothing cause I ain't bothered.”

— Catherine Tate

“I always wonder how many potholes there are in the road less taken. I mean it's great to go where others don't,…

— Neil Leckman

“I'm intelligent because my mother stood in the brain-line and not the train-line.”

— LORRAINE GOKUL

I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.

— Ellen DeGeneres

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

— Craig Ferguson

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper…

— Bob Monkhouse

“I had only four hairs worth shaving, but I managed to inflict five cuts attempting to remove them.”

— Troy Soos

“There's a saying," Aeneas said: "Keep an eye on Greeks when they offer gifts." He spoke wryly. "Horses, particularly.”

— Ursula K. Le Guin

Laughter rarely lasts longer than a few seconds, it's true. But how enjoyable those few seconds are.

— David Levithan