Stand-up comedy is a really lonely profession: you 'perform for 2000 people, then you go to a hotel room by yourself and… — Anh Do Copy Share Image
“Every heart beats so imperfectly... But there is always that someone who makes it feel perfect.” — Muzzi Magnificent Copy Share Image
“How can you ask me when i want to get married when you have yet to ask me if i will marry… — Rochelle Alers Copy Share Image
“You both talk too much,” the kid says. “Shut up. Don’t make me tell you again.” We shut up, which I find… — Karen Marie Moning Copy Share Image
May your walls know joy, may every room hold laughter, and every window open to great possibility. — Mary Anne Radmacher Copy Share Image
“Is that what you are calling it? A message? It felt more like emotional terrorism to me.-Zephyr” — Amy Bartol Copy Share Image
An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I guess funny people are attracted to funny people, and then you get comedy marriages. — Casey Wilson Copy Share Image
“There's a big difference between want and need," she muttered to herself, picking her pad and pen back up. "I mean I… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“Well, I just don’t want you to think that this piece of shit is anything other than a pathetic, human defect. Nothing… — Jhonen Vasquez Copy Share Image
“I almost died. Fortunately, my mother was a nurse. She gave me a shot of something, and things turned out brilliantly.” Lucky… — Tiffanie DeBartolo Copy Share Image
“Some feeling had started in my stomach and was traveling up to my face, and I knew that when it got there… — Rebecca Stead Copy Share Image
“Sometimes there was humor in Max Vandenburg’s voice, though its physicality was like friction—like a stone being gently rubbed across a large… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I have been a little embarrassed always. But less so the last time. It will all disappear. You have such a delicious… — Henry Miller Copy Share Image
“Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said: "I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a… — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“See, that’s just it…You shouldn’t even know sayings like that,” I griped. “It takes normal people years to pick up on all… — M.A. George Copy Share Image
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
Because I was a television writer for many years, I write very conversationally. I put things straight, and with a lot of… — Tracy McMillan Copy Share Image
I just couldn't do a comedy show about 'The History Of Dinosaurs;' I'd get bored too easily. — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
When the response to comedy becomes cheering instead of laughing, that is so irritating. It's the worst. — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
“People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when… — Wes Adamson Copy Share Image
You're just playing a role, whether it's a drama or a comedy. I find it really fun to sort of play opposite… — Luke Wilson Copy Share Image
“SF's NO GOOD! They bellow 'til we're deaf But =this= is good Well, then, it's not SF!” — Kingsley Amis Copy Share Image
“I am to be converted to the joys of knitting,' said Mrs. Ali, smiling at the Major. 'My condolences,' he said.” — Helen Simonson Copy Share Image
“I could've punch him in the nose, but there wasn't a stepladder anywhere handy.” — Jay Crownover Copy Share Image
“I suppose I've been better. Or maybe not, come to think of it. I suppose you could say my life is relatively… — Jonas Jonasson Copy Share Image
Dear phone, I drop you. I say I hate you. I throw you. I lose you. I forget about you, but I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Comedy springs from the ludicrous; but the ludicrous is stuck in the muck of reality, resolutely hostile to what is impossible. — Cynthia Ozick Copy Share Image
“Cops were distrustful; they always wanted to know why you decided to dig a hole in the middle of nowhere.” — Lou Harper Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror.” — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
“The human race can be roughly divided into two categories: ailurophiles and ailurophobes - cat lovers and the underprivileged.” — David Taylor Copy Share Image
Comedy clubs can be brutal. Those people are for real, and if you aren't funny, they aren't laughing. They don't care who… — Marlon Wayans Copy Share Image
“ (Media question to Beatles during first U.S. tour 1964) "How do you find America?" "Turn left at Greenland.” — Ringo Starr Copy Share Image
My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration. — Mike Myers Copy Share Image
Together with script writers Syd green and Dick Hills, we worked on the comedy ideas for this series. — Eric Morecambe Copy Share Image
Every great cause begins as a movement, becomes a business, and eventually degenerates into a racket. — Eric Hoffer Copy Share Image
“How does one address... the master of the vampire executioners? My lord? Your grace? Your stakeness?” — Colleen Gleason Copy Share Image
“Why fall? Let's rise in love together; and while we're at it, let's come up with lamer quotations.” — Ahmed Mostafa Copy Share Image
Graphic design is the paradise of individuality, eccentricity, heresy, abnormality, hobbies and humors. — George Santayana Copy Share Image
