“Child-- "I can't be patient, that's not a word, so don't even say it mommy." Mommy-- "What?” — Mel Brown Copy Share Image
“He was getting to the point that he didn't understand why tax attorneys didn't just kill themselves.” — Orson Scott Card Copy Share Image
“I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.” — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“The fewer moving parts, the better." "Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering.” — Christian Cantrell Copy Share Image
I was pretty much a child of 'Monty Python.' I grew up loving that type of humor and even structured a lot… — Michael Jai White Copy Share Image
My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
“Neither would you, had you grown up in a library of melodramatic romance novels.” — Clementine Holzinger Copy Share Image
I don't believe in comedy as a TV genre - I think there's drama that is funny. Because beyond the laughs, there… — Michaela Coel Copy Share Image
“Everybody, everybody, no matter what their position in life, has to give it up. Eventually, we have to let it all go… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
I haven't seen comedy as popular as it is now since when I started, in the late 1980s boom. It feels like… — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and… — Dr. Seuss Copy Share Image
“Fletch is back from Austin, and turns out what sounded great on paper didn't match up to reality. He says its so… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“The Produce Gem grins from half-way down the chip aisle. “And I thought the cucumber choosing was detailed.” Cash. He was watching.… — Pella Grace Copy Share Image
You know, comedy's hard. With drama, you have a responsibility to the emotional truth, but with comedy, you have emotional truth and… — Julianne Moore Copy Share Image
Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They… — Fanny Brice Copy Share Image
People keep saying that I'm lucky to be naturally funny, that I don't have to work at it. They are wrong. I… — Bob Crane Copy Share Image
“He lost himself somewhere on the harmless side of lunacy, slightly south of innocuous but definetly north of demented.” — Tony Vigorito Copy Share Image
In real life, I can't be earnest, I can't have a serious conversation. I will fob everything off on jokes and humour. — CMAT Copy Share Image
“Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,” — Steven Pinker Copy Share Image
I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“I looked down at the brochure nearest me."We're going to Nigeria," I threatened. "I hope you like elephant polo." -Liberty Jones” — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
“I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
From a Twitter post on why food is better than people: 'Bagels don't talk about you behind your back.' ... Since WHEN??? — John Alejandro King Aka The Covert Comic Copy Share Image
“Will you treat people who make you miserable, as prison guards, or travel agents?” — Leslie Miklosy Copy Share Image
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away. — Bob Monkhouse Copy Share Image
“What do you think?” she asked, pouting her lips attempting to imitate a model . . . or a duck. I wasn’t sure which.” — Jamie McGuire Copy Share Image
Nobody should try to play comedy unless they have a circus going on inside. — Ernst Lubitsch Copy Share Image
“I would have grown up to be a gentleman adventurer if I were more of a gentleman.” — Alex Potvin Copy Share Image
“Did you just call me…pretty?” “You’re a male version of Helen of Troy. Now run along. Find another something pretty that appeals… — Tiffany Allee Copy Share Image
“Times are really bad. Everyone is writing a book and quoting themselves.” — Omar Kiam Copy Share Image
“Here." Sam came over, stripped down to his boxers. "Hunch forward and put your head down." Robin looked at him. "My safe… — Suzanne Brockmann Copy Share Image
A careful and sympathetic sense of humour can also be a great asset when there is need to get out of difficult… — John Allen Fraser Copy Share Image
I look for the meaning in what's funny, and I look for what's funny about things that are meaningful to me. — Harold Ramis Copy Share Image
“I do, too, understand. Rosalind wants to find creepy ladies for Daddy so we don't have to worry about stepmothers.” — Jeanne Birdsall Copy Share Image
I don't do stand-up anymore. There are no rules in stand-up comedy. Journalists follow plenty of rules. — Jason Whitlock Copy Share Image
“Are you trying not to give me information? Or is cryptic your only way of communicating?” — Robyn Jones Soul Bender Copy Share Image
Comedy is a very personal thing, and some people will find it funny, some people wont. — Stephen Mangan Copy Share Image
Ellen DeGeneres is great. She has this natural style, and she makes comedy look so easy. — Anjelah Johnson Copy Share Image
“Adam hasn't changed a bit. Still moody. No sense of humor. Generally irritated. Sometimes I can't remember why we're friends” — Tahereh Mafi Copy Share Image
