“What are we doing, burying bodies?" Admittedly, this would be a lace to do it. Isolated, off any main roads. "Nope. We're… — Kelley York Copy Share Image
“There's no perk in being closed-minded as a minority. It's never, ever, ever going to help you, ever.” — Baratunde R. Thurston Copy Share Image
Comedy is the ultimate meritocracy: if you're good at it, you'll have success. — Tom Rosenthal Copy Share Image
If you are riding on a donkey, and someone throws a stone at you and knocks you off the donkey, would that… — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I've made a lot of crazy comedy videos and said a lot of crazy things. If it's too offensive, I apologize and… — Shane Dawson Copy Share Image
What are your troubles are, the whether you love me. They have good humor. But I am not a joke — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
“I swear to hold my tongue about it till the end of your worship's days, and God grant I may be able… — Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra Copy Share Image
Brad will tell you. He puts a movie on, I'm asleep in 10 minutes. I have no patience. But the kids love… — Angelina Jolie Copy Share Image
I like your boyfriend, Dahra said. Not many guys volunteer to carry ten gallons of diarrhea and vomit. Lana laughed. He's not… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Shira turned and blew kisses toward her clients who had pressed their faces against the salon window like children in a candy… — Terri Gillespie Copy Share Image
What was significant about the laughter . . . was not just the fact that it provides internal exercise for a person… — Norman Cousins Copy Share Image
“No one washes their hands after they piss unless they’re in a public place. If I’m at the airport, or a restaurant,… — Shannon Lyndsy Copy Share Image
Yes, when you see for the first time, a great laughter arises in you - the laughter about the whole ridiculousness of… — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
“Kenneth was a sitting duck. In fewer than three years he would kneel alone in this very room, on the exact spot… — Jincy Willett Copy Share Image
The comedy for the Democrats is that they're showing off too much. They need to be putting a boring white guy out… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
“She seemed to feed on their laughter, and they on her humor, like the lily of the pond—sustained by the very water… — Molly Collier Copy Share Image
“Wizard’s work was a pleasure and a madness. No wonder the university magicians rambled at times like daft bastards.” — Lita Burke Copy Share Image
People dont even say grace before meals anymore. They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload… — Onyxx Monopoly Copy Share Image
“Being with her can prove difficult, but life without her would be unbearable.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I know all about insanity. It's not that bad once you beat up everyone who teases you about it.” — Eve Langlais Copy Share Image
I needed to be more self-determining, and the most self-determining thing you can do in comedy is stand-up. — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
One night I attended a Laughing Liberally comedy show. There was one funny comedian there - Lee Camp. — Matt Labash Copy Share Image
“That's all you've got for me?" I drew a long breath and let it out slowly. "You know. I might be able… — Jayde Scott Copy Share Image
Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!" — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“Hell, I suppose if you stick around long enough they have to say something nice about you.” — Ava Gardner Copy Share Image
“[T]he princesses were beautiful as the day is long and so noble they, they could pee through a dozen mattresses-” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I happen to like things that are funny and dramatic at the same time. I don't see the difference. — Drew Goddard Copy Share Image
If we have to have a choice between being dead and pitied, and being alive with a bad image, we'd rather be… — Golda Meir Copy Share Image
I have always suspected skim milk was gay. For god's sake, it has homogenized right on the carton. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The only way I won't be re-elected is if I were found in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.” — Edwin Edwards Copy Share Image
“Denial-it's the glue barely holding millions of American families together.” — Drew Ferguson Copy Share Image
“Honestly, Im having trouble with the fact that youre having difficulty believing us. You are the only one in the room levitating.” — Dakota Cassidy Copy Share Image
I'm really spectacularly thick in all areas of my life except comedy and science. I'm crap at everything else. — Ben Miller Copy Share Image
“You can lead a horse to water but only very rarely can you drown him and get away with it.” — Sue Perry Copy Share Image
“If you took everything I’d ever found hot in a girl and piled them into a corner, you’d get Cricket Hunt standing… — Fisher Amelie Copy Share Image
A lot of romantic comedies are just light romantic dramas, or the comedy comes off second-best. — Graeme Simsion Copy Share Image
“...but I’d learned a long time ago that the worse things are, the more people lie about them.” — Ripley Patton Copy Share Image
The first step of any journey must be taken with daring in your heart. Don't let fear clog your arteries — T.S. Welti Copy Share Image
Our bravest and best lessons are not learned through success, but through misadventure. — Amos Bronson Alcott Copy Share Image
![“[T]he princesses were beautiful as the day is long and so noble they, they could pee through a dozen mattresses-” quote by Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a02/terry-pratchett-19_humor_t-he-princesses-were-beautiful-as-the-da_2999394.jpg)
