Humor Quotes · Page 260

“The king eats, they say, and the Hand takes the shit.”

— George R.R. Martin

Doing a comedy is a bit different for girls.

— Nushrat Bharucha

Dont be afraid to go out on a limb. That is where the fruit is.

— Anonymous

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

— Zach Galifianakis

Truth, when witty, is the wittiest of all things.

— Augustus Hare

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform..

— Ray Romano

“The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.”

— Jon Stewart

What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.

— Angela Davis

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

— John Mulaney

The experienced pastor will recognize to which situation humor belongs and to which belongs sobriety.

— Thomas Oden

“Solomon had a good thing going. He asked for wisdom and he got it, riches, and power. I think I'm going to…

— Jochebed Gwamna

“What is that *smell*?" Eliot shook his head. "I keep telling you, it's fresh air.”

— Keith R.A. DeCandido

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

— Bo Burnham

Want to scare every guy you know this Halloween? Dress as a replacement ref.

— Anonymous

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not

— Ellen DeGeneres

“Isn't that funny, that deity is passe but the attributes and implications of deity linger--”

— Gregory Maguire

“Jeremy and Karl and Elizabeth have known each other since the first day of kindergarten. Amy and Talis are a year younger...Now…

— Kelly Link

Laughter keeps you healthy. You can survive by seeing the humor in everything. Thumb your nose at sadness; turn the tables on…

— Bel Kaufman

I did not intend to write a funny book, at first. I did not know I was a humorist. I have never…

— Jerome K. Jerome

“The Blue Hose of Presbyterian College and the Ichabods of Washburn University are perhaps the most amusing nicknames in collegiate sports; Blue…

— Gregg Easterbrook

“I was afraid of anyone in a costume. A trip to see Santa might as well have been a trip to sit…

— Paul Feig

“You’ve never called the baby by name before.” This earned her a twitch of his lips, maybe impatience, maybe humor. “We’re drinking…

— Grace Burrowes

Steven Alan Green is ONE funny writer ---- Everything I read of yours makes me laugh and think - Not just the…

— Taylor Negron

“Girls at war opt for a quieter cruelty than fistfights and drive-by shootings. Girls circumvent the corporeal and go straight for each…

— Jillian Lauren

I grew up watching British comedy on TV, really.

— Robert Webb

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

— Steven Wright

I can't wait to tell my kids I was born before the internet.

— Anonymous

I think comedy is the most difficult thing in the world, I really do.

— Martha Graham

Prince Philip was a funny man who liked to laugh and make others laugh.

— Gyles Brandreth

I love the basic comedy of growing a moustache.

— Ben Miller

“Some people will hate you for not loving them.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

— Bo Burnham

“Do not believe anything I tell you. Do not take my advice.”

— Swami Pranayomama

“You got style, you got class, you got the lips to kiss my ass.”

— Stephen King

I reckon I'm actually one of the least funny in my family.

— Anh Do

Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to pick one that fights back.

— J K Rowling

“Wearing that personal trainer nametag doesn't make you right #AHOLE”

— Andy Ostrom

I think comedy is the hardest art form there is.

— John Popper

What we're doing is fun - if you have any sense of humor at all!

— Calvin Klein

He who does not like you will defame you in jest.

— Richard Schickel