Humor Quotes · Page 243

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

— Johnny Carson

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

— Rodney Dangerfield

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.

— Lily Tomlin

Everybody's funny in different ways.

— Colin Quinn

Lesbian humor is nothing like gay men's humor. We're sillier.

— Leslie Jordan

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

— Adam Carolla

“I wouldn't dignify it with the name immoral.”

— Graham Spaid

“Ignorance is not linear, it's exponential.”

— Spuds Crawford

“There were pecans, there were cashews and then there was just plain nuts.”

— Mary Hughes

I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.

— Mitch Hedberg

Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.

— Steve Martin

It's not funny when you actually get shot, but afterwards, yeah, it's funny.

— Curtis Jackson

“You're the one with the badge," I admitted, "but I'm the one being haunted by a seven-year-old in a ballerina costume.”

— Linda Lael Miller

If you are writing comedy and try to please everybody, you'll please nobody.

— Brendan O'Carroll

Of all states that understands local control of schools, Iowa is such a state.

— George W. Bush

“I loved the feeling of finally falling in love to someone who would love me back.”

— Kristine Cuevas

I can't say this too often - that a little humor can make life worth living. That has always been my credo.…

— Bennett Cerf

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins,…

— Samuel Butler

“Day had gotten a little nervous during one session when the doctor asked God how he would handle someone hurting Day now…

— A.E. Via

“By protecting your nervous system and keeping you focused, laughter and play offer you opportunities to thrive even in inhospitable environments.”

— Jeanne Segal

The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion, compassion, humor, generosity, and kindness, and using these tools…

— Melchor Lim

I'm not addicted to facebook! You know, I just use it whenever I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, off…

— Anonymous

It's all there-the boredom, the devotion, the horror and even the humor in an industrial war fought on a global scale that…

— Barrett Tillman

I majored in extracurriculars, honestly. I joined the Harvard Stand Up Comedy Society, which is a ragtag band of misfits. I wrote…

— Alexandra Petri

Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1.

— Jerry Coleman

“Nothing is lost until you ca't find it.”

— Annie Allways

You know whats funny? Not you, so shut up.

— Anonymous

I have always been a fan of comedy films.

— Kashmira Shah

“I'm the official unofficial reporter.”

— I.B. Nosey

God is in the sadness and the laughter, in the bitter and the sweet.

— Neale Donald Walsch

“Children inherit their parents' madness.”

— Gabriel García Márquez

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

— Bo Burnham

Movie 43 is about the hardest R Rated comedy ever.

— Peter Farrelly

Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?

— Dennis Miller

One of the things that binds us as a family is a shared sense of humor.

— Ralph Fiennes

I don't like soft villains in comedy films.

— Jay Chandrasekhar

“It’s a tricky business, nurturing that aura of unapproachability.”

— Dean Hale

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. . .

— Rick Sutter

For doing comedy, a sense of humor is a must!

— Deepika Padukone

“I'm as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night.”

— Nenia Campbell