Humor Quotes · Page 223

“Never go grocery shopping with a full wallet and a empty stomach.”

— Natalie Swanson

“Would Crazy Horse have spent this much to remodel a kitchen?”

— Ian Frazier

People with no humor, they're outta my life.

— Patti LaBelle

“Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity”

— Josh Stern

Fake is the new trend and some of my friends seem to be in style!

— Wwwfacebookcom/talentedpersonal

I watched a lot of comedy growing up.

— Wanda Sykes

“Karma was a bitch with a good sense of humor.”

— Jill Shalvis

Life's a trip, don't forget to tie your shoelaces!

— Anonymous

“Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. “Christ, how can our family be mankind’s best hope?”

— Natasha Larry

I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it's not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing…

— Billy Connolly

I hadn't gotten a chance to do a lot of comedy, so 'Hart of Dixie' was a great place where I got…

— Cress Williams

“Fuck you . . . you fucking body-dysmorphia porn-addict trust-fund-baby compulsive-masturbation motherfucker.”

— Warren Ellis

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'

— Carol Leifer

I feel sorry for those who don't have a sense of humor, imagine the decades they're missing on out.

— Anonymous

“Cellaholics are those who interrupt quality time when they are with you, but rather text, call, and email others who are somewhere…

— Jayce O'Neal

“Now I remember why I hate eating sheep. Horrible, fluffy things that give me hair balls and indigestion. ( Saphira from the…

— Christopher Paolini

It's very, very corrupting to the spirit, doing comedy. And you have to be almost a saint, like Jack Benny was, like…

— Mike Nichols

“MORGAN: Help me out here. THEO: What's up? MORGAN: Don't make me spell it out, Theo. THEO: Oh. MORGAN:Just talk dirty for…

— Con Riley

I like doing comedy and I know people enjoy watching me doing comedy. So I have no problem doing it. In fact,…

— Arshad Warsi

“Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?" "I though it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the…

— Cassandra Clare

People ask me what the most important thing to take on the race is, and I always say it's a sense of…

— Phil Keoghan

It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I?…

— Lewis Black

“This isn’t going to work,” Justine murmured. “It is going to work ,” I told her, keeping my tone confident. “We’ll breeze…

— Jim Butcher

The American audience has really opened up to women being A.) funny and B.) kinda crude. 'Bridesmaids' is R-rated, and I think…

— Chris Pratt

For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

— Jim Norton

“Wise are those who have seen life from both sides of the fence.”

— A.J. Garces

“preferring actual ignorance to the appearance of it, he did not ask.”

— Sheri S. Tepper

“Oh shit, the mummy's after us, let's all walk a little faster”

— Stephen King

Comedians are not usually actors, but imitations of actors.

— Anonymous

I would rather be called funny than pretty.

— Nia Vardalos

“I was doing it again, and I do NOT ogle strangers.”

— Terri Farley

Better have an old man to humor than a young rake to break your heart.

— Proverb

“-one teebs? You mean tablespoon?" "I don't know.”

— Joe Hill

Humor is the ability to see three sides to one coin.

— Ned Rorem

Comedy kind of terrifies me. I feel pretty intimidated.

— Lucy Boynton

Working with Lucille Ball was just a master class in how to do comedy.

— Tim Matheson

My areas of expertise are acting, comedy, radio jockeying.

— Aparshakti Khurana

“I hope there may be bogs and that John McKenzie may drown in them.”

— Susanna Clarke

We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.

— Bobby Clarke

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

— Sam Kinison