Humor Quotes · Page 220

“Somebody set up us the bomb. All your base are belong to us.”

— Anonymous

Unless it's a flat-out farce, an actor can't play comedy on film.

— Frances McDormand

“Fanny May Leak Born Poplar, London 1886”

— Russell Ash

“We have the liberal arts and we have the useful arts.”

— James Joyce

Good humor is one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquility.

— Thomas Jefferson

With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

— William Shakespeare

“Bikes are for riding; they're not car hats.”

— Eben Weiss

“The game of life has one rule: if you play, you lose.”

— Swami Chetanananda

“No," Marcus says. "Yes, take it." "Don't want it." "Why so difficult, Marc?" "Who's Marc?" "You are." "Yeah? 'Sup, Gid?”

— Veronica Rossi

“Disrespectful! My grandmothers are both dead." "Well, Jesus. What did they die of?" "Mom always said 'meddling'.”

— Maggie Stiefvater

[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.

— P. J. O'Rourke

“I read the Cannibal Manifesto. The part where it says they like eating people is on page 289.”

— John Alejandro King aka The Covert Comic

“Not only is he mentally challenged, all he has is a couple of scary fangs and absolutely no idea what kind of…

— Jayde Scott

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

— Chris Rock

“I sheathed my blade and glared at him. "And here I almost thought you weren't a complete bastard." "Well, that's your mistake,…

— Julie Kagawa

“Being a Falconer is about saving the buggers even if they don't deserve it." - Farlan MacNeil”

— Edwin McRae

I have regional films, Bengali and Telugu, but always wanted to do a Marathi film especially because I think this industry makes…

— Chunky Pandey

“For most of my life, I would have automatically said that I would opt for conscientious objector status, and in general, I…

— David Rakoff

“Fuel-efficient my big engine is not. I drove 38 miles and burned through more than a quarter-tank of expensive premium gas. Every…

— C.D. Payne

“Female Mercenary. This will be a companion on your Tour. She is usually tall, thin and wiry, silent, and neurotic. Sex scares…

— Diana Wynne Jones

When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a…

— Mike Birbiglia

“A bright haze seemed to lie over everything, and she had a feeling of unreality, but the scene itself looked almost unbelievably…

— L.J. Smith

I was carrying a beautiful alcoholic conflagration around with me. The thing fed on its own heat and flamed the fiercer. There…

— Jack London

“SQUATS, Clementine! And don't stop until class is over. You legs look like they'd snap under the weight of a sack of…

— Christine Manzari

“Later in the morning Saul tried to die.”

— Ray Bradbury

“I have no great fondness for the universe, but I do live there”

— Eliezer Yudkowsky

Just past your lips there's more anger than laughter

— Silverstein

My father was a small claims court jester.

— Steven Wright

“Bit by bit, man reduces to naught.”

— Akinwale Musa Oluseun

All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny.

— Neil Simon

“You drink from a rabbit and you think I smell?”

— Veronica Rossi

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

— Jerry Coleman

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

— Mahatma Gandhi

“Fishing and ear scratching. The two reasons men were given hands.”

— Robin Hobb

“As llamas have never heard of oxygen, they do not miss it.”

— Will Cuppy

“She needs Jesus and as ass-whooping!”

— Toni Aleo

“We were all dressed like a ragtag group of reject ninjas.”

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

Some people just don't get that I'll rather talk to a wall than them.

— Francine Chiar

“Men laugh because God laughs, and right now, God is laughing at you.”

— Traci L. Slatton

Comedy comes from conflict, from hatred.

— Warren Mitchell