Humor Quotes · Page 209

“If you want to be forgotten... Play Dead.”

— Peter MKN

“New Rule: Any tattoo that has more than one line is too long.”

— Bill Maher

“Do not stand downwind from a sweaty person...”

— Ivana Hruba

“WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).”

— Andy Weir

“Who needed drugs when winning felt this good?”

— Melissa Landers

Uncontrollable laughter arose among the blessed gods.

— Homer

“I stared at my broccoli with all kinds of menace.”

— Juliann Whicker

People like us who are on their last leg can only understand comedies.

— Friedrich Durrenmatt

“I don’t understand why some people would even try to categorize you. After watching “Duck Dynasty”, who would have thunk?”

— Shannon L. Alder

You can't always control who walks into your life but you can control which window to throw them out.

— Anonymous

“After all, I was dressed in linen and so retained a certain capacity for nonchalance.”

— Joanna Ruocco

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

— Mark Twain

“Next Mrs. Crupp said it was clear she couldn't be in two places at once (which I felt to be reasonable). . .”

— Charles Dickens

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

— Jimmy Carr

“Between the whiskers scraggling down his neck and the now-crooked glasses, he could have been the Black Allen Ginsberg.”

— Garth Risk Hallberg

Either you have a sense of humor about [being a former child star], or you're in rehab. There's not a lot of…

— Wil Wheaton

“When I asked my shrink if I was a control freak, he finished saying “Absolutely” before I finished saying “freak.” I told…

— Erika Krouse

“This had occurred due to these latter two persons deciding to marry one another and leave the profession. I have always found…

— Kazuo Ishiguro

Definition of lecture: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through…

— RuPaul

A man of sense only trifles with them, plays with them, humors and flatters them, as he does with a sprightly and…

— Anonymous

What I love about comedy is that we're this group of weirdos, and the only language that matters is, 'Are you funny?'…

— Hasan Minhaj

In America now every romantic comedy is interpreted politically. I can remember when I was promoting Black Hawk Down we were all…

— Eric Bana

“The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“You know, when the list of people who have a really good reason to want you dead covers more than two sheets…

— Rebecca Wolf-Nail

Don't forget to bring your sense of humor to your labor.

— Ina May Gaskin

Comedy is a coping mechanism, and it helps us stay alive.

— Thundercat

He many not be hurt as much as he really is.

— Jerry Coleman

“Abstain from reading comedy or other government economic statistics.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If you can find one good thing to say about her I'll turn vegetarian!”

— L.J. Smith

I think communication is so firsbern.

— Steve Martin

“Phoebus de Chateaupers likewise came to a 'tragic end': he married.”

— Victor Hugo

Silences are the most underrated part of comedy.

— David Steinberg

All I want is I am able to do any role that I get, comedy or not.

— Sunil Grover

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

— Steven Wright

“How odd of God/To choose the Jews. Not so odd / The Jews chose God.”

— William Ewers answered

You should never try irony or self-effacing humour.

— Tim Robbins

I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.

— George Bernard Shaw

It takes time to develop a sense of humor, shared world views.

— Ben Affleck

There's always a message in my comedy.

— Paul Mooney

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

— Angelina Jolie