Humor Quotes · Page 191

“Human skin hisses like a rattlesnake when it burns.”

— James Patterson

“Funny, though, I don't feel too bad.”

— Suzanne Collins

If I find a comedy club where no one's camera works, I'll go.

— Chris Rock

“MarkBaynard: You know what they say- dying is easy; comedy is hard.”

— Teresa Medeiros

The joy of joys is the person of light but unmalicious humor.

— Emily Post

To promote laughter without joining in it greatly heightens the effect.

— Honore de Balzac

My commentary's hilarious, not witty.

— Richelle Mead

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

— Bill Bailey

Suffer love! A good ephitet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.

— William Shakespeare

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

— Mark Twain

Putting any situation through our comedy lens always goes on in our heads.

— Sal Vulcano

A comedian needs more than just a sense of humour. He needs to observe everything around him.

— Vivek

A fit of laughter, which has been indulged to excess, almost always produces a violent reaction.

— Plato

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

— Stephen King

A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is…

— Jennifer Lopez

I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.

— Joe Rogan

I know. That sounds like a lie. But Presbyterians know that every so often a lie isn't all that bad, and I…

— Gary D. Schmidt

“When you are being judged by someone that has no idea who you are always remember this: Dogs always bark at strangers…

— Shannon L. Alder

Jerry Seinfeld is amazing in many ways, not the least of them his ability to find humor, and convincing us to find…

— Tom Shales

“Time can rob us of youth, but it can never rob us of true beauty that shines through our actions from the…

— Carol Vorvain

I grew up watching 'Porridge' and it's so loved, it was a daunting prospect to take on. Fortunately, it was written by…

— Mark Bonnar

“The thought sent chills running down her spine. Or, Cameron supposed, maybe the chill had something to do with the fact that…

— Julie James

When I want to make someone laugh in real life (as opposed to when I'm on stage where I tell one-liners), I…

— Wendy Liebman

When you watch an audience watching my movies, you realize that nobody laughs at the same time. Some people enjoy a beat,…

— Quentin Dupieux

“Fear causes the dog to bite and Roze was one bitch.”

— Maria V. Snyder

“Sandwiches,' she said, 'like diamonds, are forever.”

— Muriel Spark

“Laughter isn't a sign of insanity but a shield against it.”

— Richelle E. Goodrich

“So far magic school was total rubbish.”

— Sarah Rees Brennan

Football is my first love - Man United, not comedy.

— Angus Deayton

Memories are doing funny things to us.

— Milos Forman

“Life would be perfect if monster would stop farting.”

— David Chuka

“Don’t make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will.”

— H.M. Ward

“I'll beat you like a red headed stepchild.”

— Mark Osler

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

— Steven Wright

“Hercule Poirot spread out his hands in his most foreign manner.”

— Agatha Christie

“Just fuck me up. A caffeine-addict placing an order with the barista.”

— Julie Johnson

“There is a genius in my head. I'm hoping to meet him one day”

— John Mitchell

“Either someone with you or someone's memorize both will distress.”

— Mahendra Man Shrestha

If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.

— Mitch Hedberg

“Nothing is arbit in this world,everything has a reason”

— Abhishek Chaudhary