“My, my, aren't we upper class and therefore faultlessly grammatical.” — Sharon Green Copy Share Image
“Felicia (to Grayson) - To think Eliza truly does seem to be under the misimpression that you're capable of charm.” — Jen Turano Copy Share Image
God probably thinks it’s worth giving a sense of humor only to those of us who have to laugh at all the… — Allison Pearson Copy Share Image
“My eyelashes tickled the peephole." from Fogged Up Fairy Tale (Summer 2014)” — Denise Baer Copy Share Image
Cool is the enemy of funny. You can't be cool and be funny at the same time. Only Eddie Murphy could do… — Tracy Morgan Copy Share Image
I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I would never bring a kid to a comedy show myself, but I have noticed that I can't stop other people from… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
“I sometimes wonder if my last words on this earth will be something like, 'Oh, I knew this wouldn't work.” — Quinn Cummings Copy Share Image
In the U.K. I'm probably better known as a comedy writer - or certainly that's my background is in writing comedy. — Charlie Brooker Copy Share Image
People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“I glanced at my brother. "How the hell did you jump to that conclusion?!" I asked. He just grinned and tapped the… — keri arthur Copy Share Image
“Shortly after this exchange my roommate suggested we start throwing water balloons at the construction workers. Not really at them because, I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
Sexcastle is a perfect mix of homage and comedy, action and irony, loving tribute and hilarious send-up of the great, good, and… — Matt Fraction Copy Share Image
“He had kissed me. Put his demon tongue in my mouth. I had kissed him back. Yet I had a boyfriend. Adam.… — Erin Lynn Copy Share Image
I did skit comedy online for many years, beginning around 2001. Around 2006 I started watching a lot of food television and… — Nadia Giosia Copy Share Image
“Shoving aside fear and self-doubt, I met his eyes, aiming for absolute confidence in both my stance and my voice. “My father… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
“The noisy jay swoops by and reviles me, he complains of my meow and my malingering. I too am not a bit… — Henry N. Beard Copy Share Image
Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now. — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
“You were supposed to be my wingman, not my freaking kamikaze pilot.” — Katelin LaMontagne Copy Share Image
'Last Man Standing' is overall a lot of comedy. And I love doing that. — Kaitlyn Dever Copy Share Image
“I would like it very much if you pulled on something of mine.” Kale” — Patricia Lynne Copy Share Image
“Oh, I’m not objecting, I’d let a confused dishwasher marry us.” — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
