Humor Quotes · Page 156

“Cricket Bell.” I smiled into my phone. “How did you get so wise?”

— Stephanie Perkins

Go to humorous events at comedy clubs and watch laughable movies.

— Jeffrey Gitomer

“It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I make jokes all the time. I have a different type of sense of humor.

— Uriah Hall

“Vampirism is not a contagious disease.”

— Alex Taylor

Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

— Frankie Boyle

“From where I’m sitting, I AM the centre of the Universe!”

— Sebastyne Young

“The world is indeed a cold, hard stone.”

— Graham Spaid

I first started as an actor, but there was no money in it, which is why I drifted into comedy.

— Bradley Walsh

“Each night I lie awake and stare up at the stars and think, what the hell happened to my ceiling.”

— Robert Paul

“Hello?' 'Mum?' 'Yes! Who's that?.' 'Your only son.' A pause. 'Daniel?' To be fair, I'd only given her one clue.”

— Danny Wallace

It is perhaps life's greatest accomplishment to live to old age, maintaining one's wits, one's sense of humor, one's health, and one's…

— Yehudi Menuhin

Comedy actually works best when you're living in an OK world, and you are pointing out the hypocrisy in apathy.

— Tim Minchin

At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves…

— Bill Vaughan

I am always a great fan of keeping things on an eye level for comedy because it plays better.

— James Bobin

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a…

— George Jean Nathan

“Mia, I told you how I feel. I'm an asshole and I don't say or show how I feel very often, so…

— Sadie Grubor

I knew I just loved comedy, and I think it was my parents who initially brought up the notion of me trying…

— Seth Rogen

I went to a public high school and most of the comedy was coming from the black kids and the Asian kids…

— Brett Ratner

Stand-up can take you in so many different places, man. So many doors can be opened up from stand-up comedy, and the…

— Kevin Hart

We have little bits of comedy throughout our films but this is like a full-on comedy. I had great time. It was…

— Alex Kendrick

They say you don't want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do…

— Bill Burr

“Back in the days when gladiators hacked away at each other, there was always the man who decided whether the defeated should…

— Gary Corby

“Since I decided to buy an island and move there with my favorite volleyball,” Deacon shot back, watched his friend’s lips twitch,…

— Kristen Ashley

“He was terrified, he was thrilled. That was love.”

— Lila Dubois

“Sure, Bob Dylan had some good songs. But he could have been a doctor.”

— R.S. Gompertz

“Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep.”

— Bauvard

“Never apologize, Ingrid. Especially not when it concerns a man.”

— Elaine Hsieh Chou

You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.

— Anonymous

“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
”

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

“I had a dream that I was perfect…I woke up and was still perfect. Aw.”

— Starley Ard

“Those with all the answers have not asked enough questions.”

— Belva Rae Staples

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

— George Carlin

When you find something funny search it for hidden truth.

— George Bernard Shaw

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away

— Benjamin Franklin

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

— Dave Barry

I want to see Bob Dylan do sketch comedy. I'm a huge Bob Dylan fan.

— Bradley Whitford

“I Didn't Ask to Be a Senior Citizen (I Was Drafted)”

— Doug Jensen

“Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get.”

— Robert A. Heinlein

“God helps those who strut their stuff.”

— Dan Sofer