Humor Quotes · Page 133

“Eternal life is great if you have the clothes for it.”

— Woody Allen

I have touched all genres, be it comedy, tragedy or negative roles.

— Himani Shivpuri

“The world is full of liars of different humours.”

— Frances Hardinge

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

— Jim Norton

You know I'm an actress, not just a funny lady.

— Doris Roberts

I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny

— Brendan Fraser

Forever is a very long time, especially the bit towards the end.

— Janna Levin

Teaching is so solid and reliable, comedy is not.

— Romesh Ranganathan

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

— Erma Bombeck

I'm happy to play characters but comedy, as a space, has given me a lot.

— Varun Sharma

“I think I can safely say I am the only guy in NYC in possession of two cocks. Is that a bonus…

— Jodi Knight

“You cannot discover new oceans until you are willing to lose sight of the shore.”

— Sharon Leaf

“CUSTOMER: Do you have this children's book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Richie and the…

— Jen Campbell

“Pumpkin, stop rubbing your ass against me. We gotta go! I don’t have time to do you now. Prioritize, woman.”

— Kylie Scott

Together, we will reclaim America's schools, before ignorance and apathy claim more young lives.

— George W. Bush

Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound and how raindrops taste like tears without pain.

— Anonymous

“A fellow told me one about Wembley yesterday," I said, to help on the cheery flow of conversation. "Stop me if you've…

— P.G. Wodehouse

“A few alligators are naturally of the vicious type and inclined to resent it when you prod them with a stick. You…

— Will Cuppy

Wondering if the phrase You'll find love when you're not looking for it applies to money and all? Because let me be…

— Glen Rambharack

“What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?" he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better…

— Rowena Cherry

I don't think anything has changed about me but my priorities have changed. At one point I was living my life and…

— Anthony Green

“Spiderman: You're going to have to do something about those children, Stark. Tony: What children? Spiderman: The annoying, ill-mannered ones. Tony: I…

— Jonathan Hickman

My parents both had a great sense of humor, and always laughed a lot. One night, when they were watching 'Candid Camera,'…

— Howie Mandel

Who knows how to make love stay? Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to…

— Tom Robbins

In Czechoslovakia, we consider Kafka a very funny man. A humorist.

— Milos Forman

“If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)”

— Melissa Mercer

“Quick release makes it fly better.”

— Avaneesh Devkota

My dad is the funniest person to ever live.

— Sarah Sherman

“HUMOR... I sprinkle that s#!t on EVERYTHING!”

— Comic Strip Mama

Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.

— Whitney Houston

“one can (not) learn from a fatal error”

— Anonymous

Won't nothing get your mind off one man but the next.

— Mishe Pierce

Women are funny; they're really funny.

— Lou Sanders

It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

— Bob Monkhouse

“Put that in your mustache and smoke it.”

— Agatha Christie

“Auntie Yang is not hard of hearing. She is hard of listening.”

— Amy Tan

I think there is some methodology in my travels.

— George W. Bush

A day without you is like a year without wifi.

— Anonymous

“Where is all this damn water coming from?”

— Captain Edward John Smith

“Hang together, or hang separately. Benjamin Franklin is a genius.”

— Renay Williams