“Are you going to shake my hand,or am I going to rip your heart out?” — Robert Asprin Copy Share Image
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I'd love to do something dark, something that has nothing to do with music or comedy. Anything, but I'm still learning what… — Beyonce Knowles Copy Share Image
“If I were you, I’d clear those cobwebs out because there isn’t a shop-vac out there strong enough to handle that job.” — Flora Roberts Copy Share Image
I don't think it's any secret that the bigger the venue, the subtlety and artfulness of comedy declines. — Sean Lock Copy Share Image
People don't expect me to have a weird sense of humor, but I do. I'm very eccentric. — Cheyenne Jackson Copy Share Image
“We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I would say I try to make my comedy really personal. I try to tell stories that happened to me, experiences from… — Kumail Nanjiani Copy Share Image
“For Stephen, London was less a city that never slept, more a city that got a good nine hours.” — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
I love a good Steve Martin, Martin Short scene where they're being super physical - I don't mean to compare myself -… — Jaime Camil Copy Share Image
“I dinna like this, Rob,' said a Feegle. 'It's too quiet.' 'Aye, Slightly Sane Georgie, it is that-' 'You are my sunshine,… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I'm gonna play this game the way I want to. It might be serious, it might be a comedy, it might be… — Mo'Nique Copy Share Image
“Was this, she thought, what happened when one made friends with a married woman? One automatically got the husband too? - like… — Sarah Waters Copy Share Image
I'm proud of everything I've done. If it's comedy, it's 'cause I think it's funny. If it's a drama, it's impactful. I'm… — Miles Teller Copy Share Image
“When the management iceberg is shaped like a huge phallus, you know that there are a lot of tossers that the top… — Daniel Prokop Copy Share Image
“As many as thirty or as few as ten years later, lying exhausted and still, eyes open in the dark long after… — Mary Doria Russell Copy Share Image
“I'm not the head of Scotland Yard," said Mrs. Oliver, retreating from dangerous ground. "I'm a private individual -" "Oh, you're not… — Agatha Christie Copy Share Image
“I always have my reasons, even when I don't know what they are.” — Eric Micha'el Leventhal Copy Share Image
Comedy tends to come out of things which are quite painful and serious. — Helen Fielding Copy Share Image
“You look about as trapped as a piglet at a baby back ribs cookoff.” — Colleen Houck Copy Share Image
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist. — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
