Humor Quotes · Page 109

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

— Anonymous

“Fuck you and the paranormal horse you rode in on.”

— C.L. Bevill

“When God closes a door, he throws a sword through your window.”

— Griffin McElroy

“It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.”

— Steven Wright

If you are too open-minded your brain will fall out.

— Anonymous

Academics tend to have wonderfully infantile senses of humor.

— John Lithgow

“I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pursuit.” “Indeed.”

— Victoria Schwab

“Me weird? People I'm limited edition!”

— Ender's Game

My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't…

— Norman Wisdom

Does anyone else think mirrors look unbelievably handsome or is it just me?

— Anonymous

“Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette”

— Josh Stern

“What'd you think would happen when you died? That the prophecy would just be over and we'd all be like, oops, guess…

— H.M. Ward

If 'Sajjan Singh Rangroot' showed seriousness through the First World War, 'Carry On Jatta 2' had a great dose of comedy.

— Varun Sharma

I've done so many dramas in my life, and people don't even know I came from comedy.

— Kim Basinger

“You can make heaven out of hell, or hell out of heaven. The choice is yours.”

— Shannon L. Alder

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

— Bill Bailey

I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel…

— Ray Romano

“All in all, when I look at my dating life from the bigger perspective, it pretty much sucks. If it were a…

— Laura Preble

I really would love to do a romantic comedy because I am pretty much the nerdiest, goofiest girl you have ever met.…

— Nicole Scherzinger

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t…

— Cheryl Strayed

“As it was a time of war between the Catholics and the Huguenots, and as he saw the Catholics exterminate the Huguenots…

— Alexandre Dumas

“I have brain damage, remember? I'm not responsible for my actions--or for the actions of my hand, which acted of its own…

— Linda Howard

“Her heavy peasant face was fringed by a bang of red hair like a woolen table-spread, a color at once strange and…

— Djuna Barnes

“Why are you here?" "'Here' as in your bedroom, or 'here' as in the great, spiritual question of our purpose here on…

— Cassandra Clare

Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.

— Joan Rivers

“All is waste, for an ability that has not been provided for”

— Livinus God's Will

“Then we kissed for about 25 years, I think." (184)”

— Geoff Herbach

“Professor Jenson had one goal in life: to be left alone.”

— Heather M. Kaufman

I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor.

— Treat Williams

Humor is the shock absorber of life; it helps us take the blows.

— Peggy Noonan

“The trouble with dead people today is they have no sense of decorum”

— Vicky Loebel

What is amusing now had to be taken in desperate earnest once.

— Virginia Woolf

The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write.

— Judy Gold

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

— Steven Wright

“Jocks usually aren't smart. Their muscles feast on their brains.”

— Katie McGarry

I was a rapper and did music before comedy. That was my first dream.

— Chris Redd

“That was not a glare. That was a dignified look of measured contempt.”

— Brandon Sanderson

There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything.

— Amy Sedaris

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

— Winston Churchill

'Buried Alive' is a little scary, but also a comedy at the same time.

— Tobin Bell