Let's drink on the beach until we're no longer ashamed to show our bodies on the beach. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls express their feelings via TEARS, Boys express their feelings via BEERS. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
God gives us only what we can handle.. Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The powers of a man's mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
After God created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Caffeine is bad for you, fat is bad for you, sugar is bad for you. But don't worry, because worrying is bad… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You say I'm a bi**h? Well a bi**h is a dog, and dogs bark, and bark is on trees, and trees are… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Guy 1: hey, man, can you do me a favor? Guy 2: yeah, what? Guy 1: when I die, can you update… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
5 Things I Find Attractive; A woman with a good sense of humor. A pretty smile. Bright eyes. Soft hair. A horrifying… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
James Gandolfini's heart attack at age 51 has inspired me to get in better shape after I finish rewatching all six seasons… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Calories: the tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes that tiny bit tighter every night. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you bend over in front of pinnochio and he lies. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
God made Man before Woman because you always make the rough draft before the final masterpiece. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If your life is all about screwing things and getting hammered, then congratulations, you're a tool. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Admit It. When you shut the lights off in the basement, you get out of there...fast! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room...sex-ed is so advanced now, they also give homework. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I sense a humor. I sense a wise fact. I sense the humorous to be a wise choice of the fact. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What comes after the letter T? Normal people: U. Me: Wait.. A,B,C,D,E,F,G.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
