You never really know someone until you play UNO with them, and the asshole hits you with a 'Draw 4.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My pillow is my best hair styler, every morning I wake up with a new hair style. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The sound of silence, when you realize that you have no kids… ha ha ha... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'The spider is more sacred of you than you're scared of it!' Oh really, did it tell you that?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Anytime you hear of anyone dying suddenly, it ought to ensure you appreciate the need to live suddenly.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where shitty ideas come from. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
As accidental as my life may be, or as that random humor is, which governs it, I know nothing, after all, so… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“However, there are quite a few current artists doing clever, creative musical comedy, including The Lonely Island, Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Going to Catholic school was what fueled me into comedy. The nuns were so brutal so I used to try to make… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Pops added,you know, they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve. And if you do, you never get… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A friend will calm you down when your angry. A best friend will skip beside you singing 'someone's going to get it.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
2 blondes go to disneyland the sign said Disneyland left so they went home and cried — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just as true humor is laughter at oneself, true humanity is knowledge of oneself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor is an excellent method of keeping a tight rein on unproductive displays of emotion. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Parents catch you masturbating? Stare straight at em and finish like a boss! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If God had wanted people to give blow jobs, he wouldn't have given them teeth. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I gained a calorie for every time I thought of food, I'd be the size of a blue whale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yes I am a little full of myself. Play your cards right and you can be full of me too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best curve on a girl is her smile. Nah just joking, look at that ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What is the point of switching identities if you remain the same person you were before?” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Life's like your Ex-boyfriend it has it's up it has it's down but in the end you still finish it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're like a Password. Hard to figure out, but I always want to keep trying. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today is April Fools' Day. Believe nothing and trust no one... Just like any other day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...I will find you. You have my Word. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Laughing is the best medicine.But if you're laughing for no reason, you may need medicine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
