Humor Quotes by Anonymous · Page 17

“Stereotypes aren't funny when they follow you everywhere.”

— Anonymous

“Oscar Wilde: "I wish I had said that." Whistler: "You will, Oscar; you will.”

— Anonymous

He is a [sane] man who can have tragedy in his heart and comedy in his head.

— Anonymous

Though we adore men individually, we agree as a group they're rather stupid.

— Anonymous

If you don't want a sarcastic answer, then don't ask a stupid question!

— Anonymous

“A muffin what? Are you asking me to eat you or something?”

— Anonymous

It's awfully funny how the ones with the most to say know the least.

— Anonymous

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

— Anonymous

What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense…

— Anonymous

If a boy sweeps you off your feet, be careful because he's in the perfect position to drop you on your ass.

— Anonymous

Most of things in life are easy to lose, and hard to gain. Unfortunately, this isn't in the case for weight...

— Anonymous

When I have children, I'm gonna make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a BOSS.

— Anonymous

“I have always understood that money made in the patent medicine business is a practical bar to social success.”

— Anonymous

A great deal of thought must be given to your daughter's marriage. Otherwise, she will simply slink off like a cat on…

— Anonymous

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The…

— Anonymous

You should never underestimate the power of your girlfriend. She has the ability to make anything your fault.

— Anonymous

If you are too open-minded your brain will fall out.

— Anonymous

When you see a married guy talking to himself, he's just reliving an argument he's already lost.

— Anonymous

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

— Anonymous

I wish Google maps had an, 'Avoid The Ghetto Route' option.

— Anonymous

“I hate it when chocolates quickly melt on my fingers. I mean am I THAT HOT?”

— Anonymous

Want to scare every guy you know this Halloween? Dress as a replacement ref.

— Anonymous

Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says 'Trust me, you dont want to know.'

— Anonymous

I wonder how awkward would having a conversation with someone be if 'lol' didn't exist.

— Anonymous

Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it 'selective participation.'

— Anonymous

The world is a tragedy 2 dose who feel, but a comedy 2 dose who think…

— Anonymous

Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness is its poison.

— Anonymous

Why are there no Knock Knock jokes about America? Because Freedom rings. . .

— Anonymous

I have to stop saying How stupid can you be? I think people are taking it as a challenge.

— Anonymous

How much better would the world be if a liars pants really did catch on fire.

— Anonymous

Normal person flirting: Hey babe(: what's goin on? Me flirting: Your face. I like that sh*t.

— Anonymous

I don't always study. But when I do, I make sure my parents see me.

— Anonymous

“a quien en el cantón conocíamos como 'eligio', para no tener que decirle eligio de puta.”

— Anonymous

I like food and sleep. So if I give you my food, or text you late at night, you are special to…

— Anonymous

For they know to each other it just means you are awesome

— Anonymous

Grammar: The main difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

— Anonymous

Laughter is the best medicine, But if you laugh with no reason you need medicine.

— Anonymous

That was actually funny. But I don't like you. So I'm not going to laugh.

— Anonymous

Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.

— Anonymous

Lesson 1: Only trust people who like big butts...They can not lie.

— Anonymous