“Bah, Alzheimer’s. Grandma wouldn’t be so forgetful if she didn’t always have dick on her mind.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like watching baseball as much as my grandma’s left ear is loud. (She’d probably give her right ear for a left… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a spreadsheet of all the women I'd like to spread and sheet. Your mom is on my list. So is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can Grandma like nobody’s business. Hey, mind your own, grandpa, before I go all Uncle Sam on your ass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When my grandma moved, she didn’t know anybody. But that was partly due to being in a new place, and partly from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She told me she loved me. Most men wouldn’t know how to respond, but I did. What else could I say but,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t care that I no longer have my grandma to keep me company at the dining room table. Especially since she… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My grandma came over yesterday, and I had just jumped out of the shower, so I answered the door in my towel.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
