“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“A realization washed over her in that cold, dark space: this was how virtually all living things born on earth have died—with teeth tearing… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Let’s say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“John ducked casually across some DO NOT DUCK CASUALLY ACROSS THIS TAPE tape” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Marconi said, "I see you have your instruments. Can any of you sing? The old spirituals work best." John said, "I can sing." I… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“It’s the microscopic parasite that causes malaria. Nearly half of all human deaths in recorded history have been caused by this invisible assassin. One… — David Wong Copy Share Image
At this point two elderly security guards in parkas, the guys who normally work the front desk at the plant, asked John to step… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I stared at the price tags and thought, Why don’t you fucking kill yourself? I have that thought a lot, actually. Hey, did you… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Well, you’d better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into battle to… — David Wong Copy Share Image
There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Around us, the disembodied human limbs were piling up, forming a circle around the fountain, fusing themselves to each other like Satan’s LEGO set.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I tried to say something cool, wound up stammering something like, “WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?” The end kind of trailed off in a… — David Wong Copy Share Image
John flung himself into a pseudo-karate stance, one hand poised behind him and one in front, posed like a cartoon cactus. I thought for… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Imagine fifty thousand men trapped on a desert island, deprived of food and water and sex but somehow kept alive for fifty thousand years.… — David Wong Copy Share Image
