Tomorrow I'll wake up at 5am. Mom - Lol Dad - Lol Neighbours - Lol Friends - Lol Aliens - Lol — Manish Bhagtani Copy Share Image
What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Each and every one of us is a leader. Some of us just don't know it yet. — Umair Haque Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you went to kiss your GALFRND, and She burped right in your mouth… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ron Howard is just a funny legacy director. As a film nerd, he's kind of a funny person to valorize. — John Wilson Copy Share Image
“The two keys to success as a sportswriter are: 1) A blind willingness to believe anything you're told by the coaches, flacks,… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
I think the way women are perceived on Instagram is that you have to be hot, but it also has to be… — Rachel Sennott Copy Share Image
When I have had a long day at work, I want something to watch that is funny, lighthearted and easy to get… — Amy Childs Copy Share Image
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the Like button. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I cannot create authentic power in you. I can only create authentic power in myself. But, I cannot create it in myself… — Gary Zukav Copy Share Image
There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
My health plan doesn't cover dental, so I enrolled my teeth as 32 dependents, each needing a complete physical once a year. — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“I was overreacting. I tend to do that when imagining someone wearing my skin as a cape.” — Nadine Hays Pisani Copy Share Image
It's funny. I change depending on what I'm around, and who I'm around. I've always been like that. — Aldous Harding Copy Share Image
My ex changed his Facebook status tosuicidal and on the edge.. so I poked him. — Camille Cassie Govender Copy Share Image
It's always funny to watch the scene that you know took a thousand takes. — Annie Murphy Copy Share Image
I was feeling very irritable. It was that difficult time of the month when the credit card statement arrives. — Julie Walters Copy Share Image
You would never know if you could ever be, If you never try, you would never see. — Lupe Fiasco Copy Share Image
It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
If I had said everything I was thinking out loud,I would definitely have lost my job a LONG time ago. — Abhishek Tiwari Copy Share Image
Admit it, You've paired last names with your name to see if they sounded good together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think it's funny that people who treat you like sh*t get offended when you finally do the same to them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Who riseth from a feast With that keen appetite that he sits down? — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
