You are the sum total of your dominating or most prominent thoughts. — Napoleon Hill Copy Share Image
Death is there to keep us honest and constantly remind us we are free. — Dan Fogelberg Copy Share Image
Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who shouldn't assume my graduation means the end of my financial dependency. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The problem is that as much as I cant force you to love me, I cant force myself to stop loving you. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night...especially since I walked there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm bi-lots of things but lingual isn't one of them. Wait, did I mean to say that? — Triple H Copy Share Image
Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When your exes see youu happy,moving on with someone else... THAT'S when they want to wiggle their way back into your life. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I've got a bunch of books... I rely on funny books and movies to cheer me up. Oh, but I must say,… — Wendi McLendon-Covey Copy Share Image
“I remembered the last time I put this thing into my eye it was more painful than watching old political speeches while… — John Zakour Copy Share Image
You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not. — James Lipton Copy Share Image
It's better to become who God created you to be than to try to promote yourself to become something you're not. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
Once you have money, you can quite truthfully affirm that money isn't everything. — Louis Kronenberger Copy Share Image
There are no distant places any longer: the world is small and the world is one. — Wendell Willkie Copy Share Image
What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her. — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. — Kristen Wiig Copy Share Image
OMFG LMAO hahaha I said that to someone and they walked away like WTF and I just laughed so hard I cried! — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Begin whatever you have to do: the beginning of a work stands for the whole. — Decimius Magnus Ausonius Copy Share Image
Let's commemorate our departed WWII veterans by eating German frankfurters and Italian sausages. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You are always free to choose what you do first, what you do second, and what you do not do at all — Brian Tracy Copy Share Image
If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a secret is revealed, the person who has confided it to another is to be blamed. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
Everyone always wins I love you more battles with me, but you will never win I miss you more;) — Rachel Copy Share Image
People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The awkward moment is when you see twins fighting and one calls the other ugly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
