The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life is like masterbation, you keep going until something good comes out of it — Brandon Blease Copy Share Image
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Friends are people you can talk to... without words when you have to. — Elvis Presley Copy Share Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest:… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come… — Jokes4all Copy Share Image
"More fun than a barrel of monkeys." Has anyone ever stopped to think how cranky, if not downright vicious, a barrelful of… — Tom Shales Copy Share Image
Life is all about ass; you're either covering it,laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
“I find blow jobs to be highly respectable. In fact, I can’t think of many things I respect more than your lips… — Heather M. Orgeron Copy Share Image
“He pointed at the paper. “I want you to write me a description of every foot you’ve put wrong since we met.… — J.A. Rock Copy Share Image
My first film was a super-hit. It made the producer earn a lot of money and gave me a lot of fame.… — Priyanshu Chatterjee Copy Share Image
I wish my microwave had a 'stealth mode' so the people I'm living with don't know I'm having a midnight snack. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order. — Mike Barfield Copy Share Image
The less it is possible that something can be, the more it must be. — Robert M. Sapolsky Copy Share Image
I say funny stuff in my songs sometimes, but it's still all in the seriousness of the music and the craft. — Rich Brian Copy Share Image
Its so funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to say. — Author Name Copy Share Image
The hardest exercise for most of us fat people is that one where we push our chairback from the dinner table. — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
“If I looked like him,” Tara said. “I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.” — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Sol Campbell there, using his strength. And that is his strength. His strength. — Kevin Keegan Copy Share Image
“We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Is It Bad That i've Eaten About 18 Blue Jolly Ranchers? My Tongue Is a VERY Dark Blue lol - — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is no reasoning someone out of a position he has not reasoned himself into. — Clive James Copy Share Image
He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist. — Steven Spielberg Copy Share Image
