I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night… it was raining and you were fishing for fire to set a sandcastle a… — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
I was attracted to people who were funny because I wanted to be in that world. — Anne Beatts Copy Share Image
Before marriage, her parents wonder when he will go home; after marriage, she wonders when he will come home. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
It's funny: wrestlers and comics bond over remembering their best shows and their absolute worst shows. — Mick Foley Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you cant decide if you should cross the street before or after the car goes — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I enjoyed working at RKO more than at MGM. At RKO the parts were better! — Laraine Day Copy Share Image
Lebanese freedom of speech : You get to say whatever you like as long as the authorities approve of it... Hilarious. — Ziad K. Abdelnour Copy Share Image
I'm here for every single one of you. If you ever feel the need to get something off your chest, justmessage the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny because I think, as a general rule, that people seem to think that if you do lots of different things… — Dev Hynes Copy Share Image
“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So… — Sophia Bush Copy Share Image
“What is it about shoes? I mean, I like most kind of clothes, but a fabulous pair of shoes can just reduce… — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think I want what every girl wants in a man. I would like him to be funny, honest, trustworthy. These are… — Jennifer Winget Copy Share Image
Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I just recently became aware of how tenuous my life is. I don't have time for fear. — Mike Phillips Copy Share Image
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only thing worse than a loser is someone who won't admit he played badly. — Kevin Spacey Copy Share Image
Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
You say I'm dirty minded... but how did you understand what I meant? — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
Being called weird is like being called Limited Edition. Meaning youre something people dont see that often. — Ashley Purdy Copy Share Image
Some characters become your friends for life. That's how it was for me with Betsy-Tacy. — Judy Blume Copy Share Image
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED? — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
The rule that covers everything is: how you are with others, expect that back. — Rumi Copy Share Image
Anytime you part with money, bless it and say - 'There's always more where that came from.' — Marie Forleo Copy Share Image
Self Control; The ability to prevent myself from beating the sh*t out of someone who desperately needs it. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
You always find things you didn't know you were going to say, and that is the adventure... — John Updike Copy Share Image
Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
