The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Men are like...Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so… — Minnie Pearl Copy Share Image
They could have been removed. They could have been hidden. They could have been destroyed. — Tony Blair Copy Share Image
Twitter's a lot of work! That's the first thing I would say. There's so much pressure to be funny. — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife,… — Jim Bouton Copy Share Image
“You think too much of your "toilette", Adele; but you may have a flower." I took a rose from a vase and… — Charlotte Brontë Copy Share Image
I have to say that my background in comedy, of performing live, has been such a great foundation for what we do… — Lauren Ash Copy Share Image
Tina Fey writes crazy, off-color, racist, hilarious stuff for '30 Rock,' but it's always funny because you're in this almost two-dimensional world… — Gavin Creel Copy Share Image
People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer,… — Arthur Marx Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing that's happening online. The Middle Easterners want 'Aladdin' to be a Middle Eastern story, and the Indians want… — Mena Massoud Copy Share Image
From Saint Valentine's beheading and Valentine's Day Massacre in Chicago it shouldnt be a day for lovers who think love is forever… — Jennifer Amorelli Copy Share Image
I know i can, be what i wanna be, if i work hard at it, I'll be where i wanna be — Nas Copy Share Image
I have something else to ask you, to ask every American. I ask you to pray for this great nation. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Since I'm giving you guys advice,can you amazing people give me advice on something..? Please(: ~ — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What I ought to do and what I feel like doing are seldom the same thing. — Elisabeth Elliot Copy Share Image
I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph. — Otto von Bismarck Copy Share Image
I always remember loving 'Even Stevens' - that show was so brilliant and funny and smart. — Luke Benward Copy Share Image
“Chemistry is a funny thing, miss. Sometimes those who are experiencing it aren't always aware they are.” — Dakota Cassidy Copy Share Image
I wonder if my cat would think I'm too clingy if it ever saw how many of its pictures are on my… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The ideal photographic document would appear to be without author or art. — Lewis Baltz Copy Share Image
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. — Doug Larson Copy Share Image
Running away from any problem only increases the distance from a solution. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The longer you go by yourself the weirder you get, and the weirder you get the longer you go by yourself. — Jim Shepard Copy Share Image
Those who love not their fellow-beings live unfruitful lives, and prepare for their old age a miserable grave. — Percy Bysshe Shelley Copy Share Image
Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. — Tallulah Bankhead Copy Share Image
Don't let a day go by without doing something... no matter how small. — Robert G. Allen Copy Share Image
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it for himself. — Henry Brougham, 1st Baron Brougham and Vaux Copy Share Image
