I hate it when chocolate melts so quickly on my fingers, I mean like I know I'm hot, but... — Avalon Copy Share Image
I would like to find the person who discovered sex and see what he's working on now. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot… — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
“Scottish Play Doe was born at 4:13 a.m. on September 6th. The ink was barely dry on his father's new tattoo.” — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
Happy Boss's day to the person who will likely be rewarded for all my hard work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The material used to make MONEY should be changed from paper to RUBBER. So people can STRETCH it to make both ends… — Nelson M. Lubao Copy Share Image
I loved you once, and I Didn't want to give up on us, but you're a liar and a cheater, There was… — Marly Copy Share Image
“K, boys, it’s shirts against skins. Lose ‘em,” Lucy said, pointing to the guys and ignoring Thad. “I beg your pardon?” Thad… — Christine James Copy Share Image
“Ah bet she’s a dirty wee minx in the scratcher. Y’see that "butter wouldnae melt" expression she’s goat goin on? That’s jist… — Jamie Holoran Copy Share Image
NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until… — Peter Sagal Copy Share Image
I'm not a woman! Let's make that very clear! Oh I don't know, maybe I am. I am an American woman. Or… — Lars von Trier Copy Share Image
“I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
When I'm reading a book and someone asks me what I'm reading, I don't answer. I just raise book up, so they… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
