I use to hate my name because it sounded funny. Now, I love my name because it is taken serious. by MTRJ — Merle Rutledge Jr Copy Share Image
Patience pays off for sure, you just need to be a little bit more Patient. — Raghav Singh Copy Share Image
I just want to punch a wall as hard as I can. I hope I miss and it hits your face. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When youre at someones house: Normal people: What a lovely house! Me: Whats your wifi password? — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Single dudes, if you're in the bar/clubs and you're reading this you're are not getting laid tonight. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Thomas, my 15-year-old, is effectively my editor, I've always trusted his voice, more than anybody, on the strip for years. He has… — Stephan Pastis Copy Share Image
“Ben hid a wince behind his hand, trying very hard not to think of seventy-year-old Ellie Verstgard rolling around with Mr. Wenner.… — Victoria Dahl Copy Share Image
“Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn… — Dakota Dawn Copy Share Image
Life is like sex, you can either lie back and let it screw you OR you can get on top and ride… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Oz lists the hem of his shirt, exposing his cut abs, and wipes his brow with the material. Oh my with chocolate… — Katie McGarry Copy Share Image
For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“One thing I will say, they often take it better than a man. Pain, that is. Probably the residue of tolerance from… — Sarah Hall Copy Share Image
